Matchsticks
by Caspre
Summary: Toph bumps into an old friend, who manages to uproot the whole lifestyle of the Gaang with her quirky habits, such as her lovematching obsessions between Toph and Sokka, and of course pissing off Katara when she flirts obscenely with Aang..fun to be had!
1. Cari makes her entrance!

"I think it's the safest bet to assume that Aang's head resembles a grapefruit."

"No way!" Toph insisted, shaking her head at Sokka. His look of maddening superiority fell from his face at her disagreement as Toph poked Aang's face a couple of time, no doubt feeling it for herself, "It definitely looks like a street sign- don't forget the _arrow,_Snoozles!"

"You know, I resent _Snoozles_. I have woken up _considerably_ throughout this time we have spent together as a group!" Sokka objected, but he paused before sniggering slightly and saying: "But I guess at _Nick_elodeon, we all have to have…_Nick_names…geddit?"

You could have heard a mouse's digestive system at work it was so silent.

Katara came across the three teenagers holding a jar of water, shaking her head wearily.

"You two are seriously clueless." She declared. Toph and Sokka shot her evil looks while Aang smiled appreciatively. But Katara didn't stop there.

"_I_think he looks like Gran-Gran."

Silence.

"…PAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

There wasn't even enough air in the stratosphere for Toph and Sokka to draw breath as they pounded the earth and clutched their sides. Aang's good natured smile had completely vanished and all that was left was a jerky twitch in his left eye.

"…_your Gran-Gran_?" He whispered. Katara frowned in confusion at the quaking heaps that were Toph and Sokka and at Aang's tragic expression and gave a serious nod.

"I think you have her eyes." She said sweetly, cocking her head to one side and hugging the jar of water she was holding, "So whenever I look at you, Aang, I think of home."

"And wrinkles and saggy bits!" Toph gasped amidst her tears. Sokka bawled with mirth as they rolled around even more. Aang just nodded in acceptance and looked at the ground, thinking of arthritis and weak bladders.

"Aw come on, Aang," Sokka said through his giggles, "You're a hundred and twelve now, and it's time to accept that you're getting old!"

Eventually, Toph and Sokka managed to regain themselves and by that time Katara had made dinner. They also found themselves a couple of years older. (Kidding.)

They were just about to feast on watery stew when Katara cried out: "Oh_shoot_ I forgot the milk! We can't drink this without milk!"

"And why ever can we not?" Sokka demanded in a dramatic boom of a voice, his spoon already rocketing towards his mouth and his eyes closed passionately for his one and only love: food.

"Because milk is the ingredient that prevents the soup from giving you terrible boils." Katara said in a bored voice, obviously having foreseen her brother's rash actions, and didn't seem at all surprised when Sokka went cross-eyed as he looked down at the spoon that was already in his mouth. He spat it out, shrieking and massaging his tongue, which was already sporting a rather impressive sore.

* * *

Toph was on her way to the market not far from their camp to fetch some antidote for Sokka and of course, some milk.

Aang couldn't go, because he had been consumed by the disease of vanity, raking his face for any signs of premature wrinkles and liver spots in a shard of ice he had frozen for himself.

Katara couldn't go, because she was trying to heal a boil that had sprung upon Sokka's behind, which had made it impossible for him to sit down.

Sokka couldn't go, because…well it's already been explained.

So Toph was off to the market, in the already setting sun, skating along the earth for a little entertainment and still snickering at the collection of boils above Sokka's right collar bone, which resembled the Fire Nation insignia. He'd actually tried to beat them off with his sword in frenzy.

Soon enough, she was there, and was just walking along when she bumped into someone, whom she'd failed to notice as she felt her way through the narrow street full of stalls and merchandize.

"Watch where you're going, Shortie!" A very familiar voice cut through the air as it scolded her.

"Excuse me? I'm blind- cut me a little slack here!" Toph piped up indignantly, trying to stand in a way that made her look vulnerable and helpless.

"Yeah, yeah, I _know_ you can feel the ants from the other side of the market from here, Toffee!" Toph was finding this term of endearment a little _too_familiar now…she froze as she felt the vibrations of this curious person more carefully.

"Wait...Cari?" Toph's mouth fell open, which was quickly stuffed with a lump of clothing, because her oldest friend who she hadn't seen in nearly a year had pulled her into a bone-crunching hug. After a moment or two, Toph found herself free of Cari's bosom and stepped back cautiously.

"How the hell...?"

"Well, Toph-in Coffin, it's been a while!" The tall girl with olive skin and thick mahogany hair cascading down her back grinned toothily, "Last I heard was you were off traveling with the Avatar! Which reminds me-"

The smile vanished, but Toph didn't see this, so she had no warning for the vein-popping, muscle-marinating _thump_ that was heading for her stomach.

"Oof!" And she fell to the floor, the world's greatest earth bender, was defeated by a single punch from her best friend. (Don't worry she's not dead or anything, she's just...on the floor, an unlikely situation for Toph!)

Doubling over in pain, Toph tried to breathe, but she was completely winded. Cari towered over her, hands on hips and her teeth bared.

"What the hell _happened _to you, Toph? Best friends don't just get up and leave town, especially at our age, especially when they're blind, _especially_ without saying goodbye, dammit!!!"

Toph finally struggled up, massaging her abdomen. Cari had always had the slightest touch of violence in her personality. In fact, the two girls met when Toph took the last rock cake at an earth kingdom party and Cari punished her by sitting on her.

"It's more complicated than you think, Lover Girl." She groaned, the use of that long forgotten Nickname feeling strange on her tongue, "I had to help Aang..."

Glaring and silence was all she received.

"...The Avatar?" Toph tried, and when she heard a murmur of recognition she continued, "I needed to teach him Earth bending, and that meant traveling with him. My parents wouldn't let me go, because they still thought I was the same old baby blind boo-boo b-"

"Ok, Ok, I understand. You always were a peace and harmony kind of...well no you weren't. Compared to me you're an angel, though, Doll." She winked roguishly, even though Toph couldn't see it, she felt it was necessary, "But come on, Toph, you couldn't even say goodbye?"

"I had to leave quickly. My parents weren't that happy about it so-"

"-You ran away. Yeah, your mother tried to cover it up with _boarding school_ but I knew she wouldn't let you out of the house, let alone a big school with boisterous children, pushing and shoving, not to mention fire hazards with those military freaks flashing their flames now-"

"YES I ran away." Toph summed up for her, raising an eyebrow and sighing. But underneath the façade she was really enjoying her pointless discussions with her best friend again, "I know I was going to get The Boulder's autograph for you ,Lover Girl, but-"  
"I KNOW! I WAS _SO_ PISSED OFF!!!" 'Lover Girl' screeched, causing a curious cabbage salesman to start and drop some of his prize vegetables on the floor. Cari ignored he's wheezy yells of protest, "You _know_I'm crazy about him and you never bothered to get off of your lazy-"

"_THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN AN EGOTISTICAL MUSCLY MANIAC AND HIS SIGNATURE!"_ Toph screamed, causing the cabbage salesman to jump and fall into his crate of cabbages, "Now _come on, _if you want to carry on this 'blissful' reunion, then you can just follow me; I have to get some milk and some boil antidote for Sokka."

Cari just stared, "_Who_ is Sokka?"

"No one. Just a guy in the group I'm traveling with."

Cari watched Toph closely as she hid under her curtain of hair.

"I see...so ya must love him quite a lot to just trot off to get some medicine for this Tokka guy-"

"It's_Sokka_! What kind of word is "Tokka"?" Toph ridiculed. Cari smirked.

"I don't know! It could have some special meaning?" She guessed, not knowing how close she was to the truth, "Is he cute?"

"NO!" Toph roared. However, while Toph could detect a lie through earth bending, Cari had the uncanny knack of being able to just look at the culprit and deduct a fib.

"Right...!" She concluded, grinning sideways at Toph as she walked with her.

There was silence as they pushed their way through the crowds, just enjoying each other's presence again.

"You know another problem I have is that now I can't get into Earth Wrestling, because I had a free pass because I knew the Blind Bandit, so I couldn't even spectate The Bould-"

"How's Shigure?" Toph interrupted a plan up her sleeve. Cari stopped mid babble to jump and down with glee, a strange twinkle in her eye.

"HE'S SO **HOT**!" She shrieked, "But not as hot as Tsume..." And with that she was silent again, alone with her daydreams and leaving Toph without a headache again.

Soon enough, they purchased some Lemur Milk and some boil antidote. (Which actually turned out to be some more Lemur Milk, which they should have realized after Katara told them that it was the antidote to the boils in the soup)

"So how old is this Sukka guy then?" Cari asked her head finally clear.

"I_told _you, it's Sokka. Where do you get all of these weird names?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I got here by ship, and the sailors all use words like them...It's easy to pick up on!" The wild looking girl explained, but grinned mischievously all the while, "Anyway, it was quite a coincidence to bump into you like this! I can't believe you're staying on the shores of _this_place!"

"How come?"

"I heard they hate Earth Benders here."

"...We're in Earth _Kingdom_here, Lover Girl."

"It_used _to be Earth Kingdom, until the Fire Nation infiltrated it. Apparently the Earth Benders here gave quite a fight, so bad that any Earth Bender has been taken away and the threat still stands for any of them visiting..."Cari shrugged nonchalantly, even as an Earth Bender herself, "But it's not so likely that they can take _us_on." She patted Toph on the shoulder, who was still processing this news. Eventually she smiled and nodded. The pair of them made one HUGE ego.

"Cari, I've missed you." Toph confessed, "And I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye."

Cari smiled a saintly smile, and gave Toph a friendly punch, which sent her stumbling.

"Aw, you know I can't resist that tragic tone." She said happily, "So do I get to meet this gang of yours?"

* * *

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Cari." Toph announced, gesturing to the eerily shy girl standing behind her. Although she seemed tough most of the time, around strangers (Or Toph's parents) Cari took on the role of sweet little girl with a hint of a lisp. An act of course, but even the gang couldn't see through this, as they stared at her dumbly. 

"Hi...nith to meet you guyth..." (Don't forget the lisp.)

"Hi, I'm Aang!" The sweet young child lifted himself into the air and glided charmingly over to Cari, bowing graciously, "I didn't know Toph had any friends-"

In a matter of seconds, Aang found himself up to his neck in earth, because Toph had lost her temper.

"Whoa, Toffee, so you're still as short as your temper?" Cari sniggered, giving the earth an idle kick to free Aang in order to shake hands with him. Toph stayed calm and smiled.  
"Not exactly," She insisted, "But Twinkle toes is a special case. He's resilient enough."

"Excuse me?" Sokka piped up indignantly, "I seem to recall numerous Earth Beatings from you, Toph!"

"Yeah, I forget." Toph yawned, indifferent to Sokka's accusation, "Sokka here happens to be a real delicate flower."

"THAT I am not!" Sokka scrambled to his feet and marched over to Toph, jabbing her in the shoulder, "I am a _warrior_, and should be treated as such!" And as the 'warrior' drew breath, Toph quickly unscrewed the bottle of milk she had purchased and stuck it in his mouth.

"There, there, Snoozles, you have your bottle now." Toph cooed, patting him so hard on the head that he sunk into the ground with every strike (thanks to some earth bending as well of course) He looked furious, but sucked on the bottle all the same.

"So_this _is Sokka?" Cari deducted, as the true genius she was...! "I imagined him a little less...inflamed." She eyed the many boils, which in all fairness _were_receding slightly due to the milk. Sokka removed the bottle from his mouth (with a comical 'pop!' sound) and said:

"In my defense, if it wasn't for Katara's shabby cooking skills-"

Unfortunately, they didn't hear any more of his babbling, since his whole face was encased in a block of freshly frozen ice, courtesy of Katara.

"IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY COOKING, YOU GUYS WOULD ALL BE IN _TROUBLE!_" The pre-menstrual water bender screeched as her brother and everyone else felt her wrath, which was radiating off of her.

"Hi, I'm Cari." The charismatic earth bender announced, smiling and waving at Katara, who was breathing so hard, her hot breath was slowly thawing the ice encasing Sokka's head.

"Hello. Cari." She said shortly. Cari looked to Toph who shrugged.

"Katara can be like this sometimes. Usually she's sugar and spice." She explained. Cari simply shrugged.

"Yeah, Toph-in Coffin can be like that sometimes as well." She tells the group, jerking an accusational thumb Toph's way.

"Ooooh," Sokka sighed, realizing something, "So _you_like weird nicknames too!" The group caught on and murmured things such as "Oh right!" "Well wouldn't ya know!" and "I hate those nicknames..." (That one was from Sokka)

"You want a new one, Snoozles?" Toph threatened, "I was thinking Tufty, due to that puppy dog's tail you've got shooting out of your head!"

"...What's_your_nicknameCari?!" Sokka babbled, desperate to change the subject whilst poking his pony tail subconsciously.

"Lover Girl." Toph answered in a bored voice before Cari could even open her mouth.

They stared for a while, perhaps expecting Cari to brandish a heart studded bow and arrow, or blow some kisses whilst hitching up her skirt.

"She falls in love at first sight. She's a guy hopper. It's a new guy every minute!" She shot a dark look at Cari, who simply rolled her eyes and folded her arms. She raised her eyebrows and said: "Well at least I show signs of _emotion,_Toffee. I don't think you've had _one_ boyfriend in all the time I've known you."

"Well_ you _had a different one each day. And you always went crazy over some book character. I could never keep track of each male that you chose to fantasize about!"

"To be short-she's a whore." Toph concluded. A stony silence followed of course between the two friends.

"Another nickname would be Matchstick." Cari added, breaking the silence and pulling a lock of hair behind her ear to reveal a very battered looking matchstick, "I've always kept some behind my ears, you never know when they're going to be needed!"

"And have you ever needed to use them, Matchstick?" Toph asked in a bored voice, rolling her eyes.

"...No- BUT THE TIME IS APPROACHING! _One _of these days..." Cari murmured. Absentmindedly she drew out the matchstick and chewed on it for a while.

"She likes to chew them too. Her mother was always taking them off of her..." Toph recollected, smiling at the memory, "But it's not as if they were dry to light anyway. They wouldn't have been much use to you, Lover Matchstick."

Katara, Sokka and Aang (The outsiders of this conversation) just looked at eachother, realizing that they weren't alone in thinking that the conversation Toph and Cari were sharing was one that only primitave lifeforms would have.

"WELL!" Sokka practically shrieked, forgetting his breaking voice, "I think we should all start a fire, it's getting dark and we _still_ haven't eaten-"

"Careful, Tufty, that ice has only just been removed." Katara hissed.

* * *

Soon enough, it was time for bed. Cari had decided to camp over for some quality time (or bickering) with Toph. It turned out that she had been sent to get a vase her aunt had ordered from a specialist pot maker, one that had the family tree imprinted on it from the shores of the island. She had a whole month to get it, and she had only been traveling for a week, so she had two left before having to make her way back to the Northern Earth Kingdom. 

The gang was more or less happy with this arrangement. Although after learning about Cari's infamous romantic antics, Katara seemed to be clinging to Aang a lot more.

"More soup, Aang?" She asked, batting her eyelashes as she plonked herself between Cari and Aang, who had been discussing Penguin Sledding just moments before.

"No I'm ok; those seven bowls will hold me up for the night." Aang said wearily, peering down at his bloated stomach (free of boils, thankfully).

"Well you just say if you want seconds, I mean, eighths." Then she forced some laughter, so tinny and shrill that the whole group winced.

"You just peel yourself away from Aang, there, Sugar queen. _I'd_love some seconds!" Toph announced, holding out her bowl.

"You know where the pot is." Katara said, flapping her hand somewhere in Toph's direction, never taking her eyes off of Aang, whilst taking snide glances at Cari, who was wolfing down her helping.

"Don't you think you've had _enough_?" She asked, raising her eyebrows so high they merged with her loops.

"This is my first bowl!" Cari protested, _her_eyebrows furrowing and her dark eyes widening, so far that they looked like black holes that could consume the whole universe. _And_God. Or as you Avatar fictioners like to write: The _"Spirits"..._!

Eventually the envy and disdain died down, and everyone started to go to bed (or just lying down on the ground, because cartoon characters don't require comfort, it seems).

First Aang left, which meant that Katara followed like a puppy. Then Sokka decided to leave, after licking up the last of the soup and belching considerably (only to be topped by Toph).

"I'll see you ladies in the morning!" He said, his voice strained from the stretches he was doing, "Night, Toph." He nodded to her. Cari detected the hint of a blush from her best friend and enemy's porcelain skin. Silently, she watched Sokka crawl into his sleeping bag and waited until she heard a series of squeaky snores.

"Sooo, Toffee." She faked a yawn and stretched out on her back over the grass, jiggling a leg leisurely, "What's the deal with you and Tufty?"

"There is no deal." Toph told her steadily.

_Liar_, Cari thought in a flash. She smiled, having predicted Toph's complete denial already.

"Are you sure? Nothing going on there?" She asked innocently, but she grinned wildly as she turned to face Toph.

"Yep. Sure." She stated, "Goodnight." And with that she turned over and fell silent.

Cari sighed, stood up and pulled an earth tent out of the ground, like they had done together in countless sleepovers and still smiling, she took her place next to Toph and curled up, closing her eyes and feeling her heartbeat slow as she thought to herself:

_I'm sure I can think of a way to get those two together. It's about time Toph got a boyfriend. _

"And you can wipe that dumb grin off your face."

 **Happy Christmas ******


	2. The Stupid Sokka Schedule

"So what do you guys do for _fun _around here, huh?" Cari asked, stretching from her long sleep and then looking to them expectantly. They blinked a couple of times and exchanged looks of bewilderment.

"…fun?" Katara asked, wrinkling her nose at such an unusual question. Toph, however, was just counting down until Cari asked this question. She was all about a good time. And guys. And teasing people, not to mention rude nicknames.

"Yeah- fun. The definition would be...a source of enjoyment, amusement or pleasure, often the result of a playful and often noisy activity."

They thought about the last half of this sentence, and decided not to make any remarks, because Nickelodeon is a place for CHILDREN and sad teenagers who need to get out a bit more. Or watch an actual anime that is suitable for their age group.

"Well, we don't really have time for fun." Aang told Cari, a little sadly actually. As a twelve/thirteen year old, as well as an Air Nomad, he required daily helpings of fun to keep him going, but with the whole invasion thing going down, the Avatar needed to remain serious. And sinfully bored.

"Exactly," Sokka butted in, and with that, he pulled out a ridiculously long scroll and shook it out, trying valiantly not to be consumed by it himself. It was around the length of two Appa's, "We have to keep to our schedule, and there really is no time for fun, I'm afraid."

"But Toph had all that spare time just to wander down to the shops for _your_medicine." Cari pointed out, which drew everyone's attention to the red patches that had remained on Sokka's skin, Lemur milk or no Lemur milk.

"Well that was an emergency. In fact, because of that slight…mishap, we had to cancel a _very_ important part of the schedule." He sniffed and patted it consolingly, whilst pulling his clothes around to cover up the worst of the little red marks.

"Yeah, because washing your clothes is _so _important to you, right?" Katara sighed, raising an eyebrow.

"Well it's an annual thing!"

"So you guys don't have _fun_?" Cari gasped, dismayed at this scandalous lifestyle. _I _still can't believe they've managed to survive without the Internet for this long! It's been three long series for those guys.

"No, we _do _have fun." Toph argued, "It's just it doesn't abide by the Stupid Sokka Schedule."

"_Excuse me?_" Sokka hissed, hastily rolling up his beloved scroll with such indignant violence that it tore quite a bit. He squeaked and clutched it to his chest passionately. But his wistful mood changed as he raised an eyebrow at Toph.

"If it wasn't for the schedule, we'd probably just end up the Fire Lord's doorstep and be burnt to crisps! Besides, the schedule includes MANY _'Sources of enjoyment, amusement and pleasure'_thank you!"

"Most of the amusement is because of you." Toph pointed out. Sokka took this as a compliment and smiled.

"Thank you!" He said warmly, "Ok, you're forgiven- oh," He paused, "Laughing_at _me…And here was me thinking you'd given me a_compliment, _Toph...!"

"Hah! Don't get your hopes up!" Cari piped up, "I think the last time Toph gave me a compliment was when I'd managed to do my own hair for the first time, when I was four. But even then, she said: 'Wow, you have a talent for making your hair look like it's exploded.'" She nudged Toph accusingly, who simply made her friend sink considerably into the earth.

"I think we have fun just being in each other's company!" Katara said, in her typical 'Let's resolve things' manner.

"Aw how sweet, Mother!" Cari joked idly, but Katara gave a flash of her eyes and clenched her fists. Sokka and Aang cringed and slid back slightly, but Cari didn't know her well enough to understand that she had unleashed a monster.

"Well." She breathed, with the heat and fury of a true fire bender, but no one was about to tell her that. Yet… "I was _only _trying to raise the morale in this group, since you came along and made them realize how we don't _organize _enjoyment!"

"Really, cos I thought Sokka was pretty big on it…?" Cari said, her eyes wide, innocent and completely adorable, but she ruined the moment by lashing out, as the scary and violent person she is.

"What's the problem Katara? You're Joke-Intolerant as well as strict and bossy?"

"_**WHAT!?!**_"

Sokka and Aang made wild gestures behind Katara's back, drawing their hands across their throats and waving their arms. Finally Carrie took heed and shrunk back to her normal size. She flapped her arms as if trying to scatter the tension and smiled wanly.

"Sorry, Katara. It's the morning, so I'm a bit highly-strung."

"What, so you're admitting this just because Katara's getting all pissy? I've been in much worse moods than her!" Toph hissed, poking Cari indignantly.

"No rude language." Cari snapped, switching the subject. She was very self-righteous and didn't like to be blamed for anything. She always had a way of wiggling out of sticky situations.

"Well, I'm sorry too, Cari," Katara sighed, rubbing her forehead, "What with the whole Fire Nation wanting to kill us and all, tensions are running pretty high, especially since the rest of these guys are more immature than Momo."

There was a yelp of indignation from Toph, an accepting shrug from peace-and-love Aang, and a strange squawk noise from Sokka.

"If I could do magic water…" He muttered.

* * *

Luckily for the rest of the group, Katara and Cari's argument hadn't gone too far, and they had managed to maintain polite conversation for the rest of the day without bending each other's butts. However, Toph knew it was just the calm before the storm. 

"May you pass my pouch, please, Cari?" Katara said, with a touch of unease in her voice.

"Sure." Cari said breezily, and tossed it over to her. Katara, who was expecting Cari to _give _it to her, not throw it at her, caught it with a wild gesture with her arms, and a glint of dislike glinted in her icy blue eyes. Sokka and Aang gabbled something about going for a walk and dashed off, leaving the three girls alone and saving themselves from an explosion. Momo chattered uneasily and zipped off after them.

"So that Ed guy asked me out." Cari said suddenly to Toph, who scrambled up from her lying position.

"He _did_?" She gaped in Cari's general direction, "I…did you say yes?"

"Well…" Cari sighed, enjoying the fact that she had Toph's full attention, "I thought about it for a while…and decided that he'd have to grow a bit before I accepted."

"He wasn't that short!" Toph protested, "Well…when he wore those boots he wasn't."

"In any case, he was too into Metal for my taste," Cari commented, "Electric Shamisens sound pretty awful."_ See Author's Note _

"Have you got a boyfriend right now?" Katara asked, whilst she washed out some of Aang's clothes with sinister adoration. Cari shook her head.

"I'm a free woman." She announced proudly.

"Well is there anyone you like?" Toph pried, steeling herself for her best friend to gush for hours on end about some piece of eye candy, the newest candidate on a list longer than the Equator.

"Well, no not really." Cari shrugged, peering at her nails with a bored expression.

"…Sorry?" Toph said, not understanding why her bending told her that Cari was indeed telling the truth.

"Why, does Cari always have a boyfriend?" Katara asked, looking puzzled. She herself had been interested in quite a few guys, and most of them liked her back (lucky bitch- what is so attractive about those loopy things of hers?) but she had never had a proper boyfriend. She didn't see them as a necessity. Cari however…

"I used to think she needed a boyfriend to keep her organs going, she loves them so much…" Toph said dully, flumping back down onto her back again.

"Really? You did? They're just a nice thing to have!" Cari insisted, pulling up the grass and started to twine it thoughtfully.

"So what do you look for in a guy, then Cari?" Katara asked, forgetting her dislike for this girl and becoming interested in her romantic lifestyle.

"Welllll…They have to be hot of course. And funny! They should also stand to be humiliated a couple of times, because one of my favorite things is to tease people. Also, they have to be taller than I am…you must be at least _this _tall to go on _this _ride!" She held her hand up high above her head and laughed. Toph chuckled along with her. Katara just frowned and chewed her lip. But it wasn't because Cari's joke was a little self-indulging or because her lip was itchy.

_That looks a lot like Aang's height…what's she planning…?_

Of course Katara didn't know how absurd she was being at this point. But we do! We also know Katara's fiery temper quite well and her habit of jumping to rather silly conclusions. Therefore we can expect a bit of an uproar any minute now…

However…even though Katara's suspicions were ridiculously out of the blue and outrageously mistrusting and senselessly over-protective of Aang, she wasn't completely…wrong.

As Cari lay back on the grass her mind flitted to Aang.

_Sense of humour, likes to have fun, could stand to grow a little…_

And if Katara knew what Cari was thinking about, she probably wouldn't hold back from slicing Cari into pieces with shards of flying ice.

So Aang and Sokka and Toph would maybe have to be forced to suck up just about every drop of water and stow it away, very quickly, because Katara was about to see just what Cari was thinking about, _who _Cari was thinking about, because the young Avatar had just emerged over a hill, followed by a apprehensive Sokka, who suddenly relaxed as he saw no screaming, no hair being pulled or nails scraping flesh or any bending business between Katara and Cari.

But I'm afraid he relaxed too soon, folks; the war was only just about to begin.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey- A Shamisen is a Japanese Musical Instrument. I thought it was a nice touch because Guitar doesn't fit...Also I think there was a Shamisen like instrument in one of the episodes once.**

**Disclaimer: Carrie isn't really a boy-craving weirdo she's actually quite shy around guys! But she fancies SO many anime and book and tv characters...I can't keep up seriously. So I thought I should magnify her character a bit, just for a laugh and to add some interest...not that Carrie's boring. D **

**Keep checking for new chapters. And review if you have anything to say! I always like a long winded, babbling review ;-)**

**Happy New Year **


	3. Mud Fights and Business Romances

**Caspre: Thanks for all the reviews so far, chaps! Special thanks to those who wrote long and babbling ones- you know who you are! I had one telling me to hurry up with Cari getting Sokka and Toph together- Cari doesn't go by demands, people! She does things in her own style and her ****own pace- give her time. It's alll part of her plan...;-)**

As the sun rose up over the hills and fell onto Team Avatar, the birds twittered their chorus and the wind whispered it's stories from far away lands- that is until Sokka let out a nasally snore and silenced the beautiful sounds of mother nature. Honestly, none of them have any style- apart from Aang, whose eyes snapped open at day break and lifted himself to his feet with grace, kicking up a few leafs and straightening his garb.

"Gooood morning!" He called to his friends. He heard a few murmurs and grunts as the lumps shifted slightly and went still again, but there was no human communication to be heard. He sighed and shook his head. Until-

"Morning!"

Cari popped up from nowhere, chewing a matchstick and trying to beat her hair into submission. If Toph had indeed entered the land of the living she would have probably done a double take; Cari had never been known to be up before her mother or another pissed off person who needed her attention threw a bucket of water on her. She claimed to have never heard birdsong, or seen the sun rising, or a milkman (but in all fairness, I doubt any of these guys have, since milkmen remain firmly on _our _side of the television screen). Yet here she was, grinning wildly and not a grain of sleep sand to be seen. Although she did have what looked like shopping bags under her eyes. (Metaphorical..!)

"So you're a morning person too!" She said lightly, stretching animatedly and jogging on the spot a few times, before bending over and gasping (she was never a fan of exercise).

"Yeah, but none of these guys are ever up until a few hours after sun rise." Aang sighed, scanning the campsite hopefully for a glimpse of life, his gaze lingering a little too long on Katara's sleeping form. Cari saw this with her beady eyes, and they narrowed instantly.

"You KNOW," She practically yelled, and to her satisfaction Aang turned his attention back to her (although he was a little alarmed), "I find a good walk at the crack of dawn is the perfect way to stimulate the mind."

Aang remained uninspired. Cari sighed, realizing that she'd have to delve a little deeper.

"...And the Chakras"? She asked meekly. Aand smiled widely and they set off walking, Cari holding her eyelids open with her fingers.

* * *

It was only five minutes after the two kids wandered off for a walk, when Katara's instincts detected that something wasn't right, and she immediately shot out of her sleeping bag, her posture rigid and alert. With one eyebrow raised, she scanned her surroundings, and deducted two very important things. Important to _her_anyway. 

_Aang is not here._

_Cari...is_ not _here..._

Alarm bells sounded in her head. Her face turned bright red and her fists clenched. In one swift movement she seized her water pouch and tossed it over herself. In any other circumstance, she would've admired how graceful and cool that had just been, but this permanently PMS riddled girl was so envious at that moment, she was photosynthesizing. Although she would never _ever_ admit it.

"Right." She said to herself, and breathed out a sharp breath through her nostrils. All dignity was forgotten, composure was thrown to the winds and it was as if peace of mind had never existed as the water bender stormed off in search of the two benders, who had no idea that they were about to come extremely close to death. By shrieking.

"So what are your...interests?" Aang asked brightly, scratching his head and shooting a charming smile Cari's way.

"Match-making. Guys. Books. Earth-Bending. Pranks. OOH-Sarcasm's a big one!" Cari chattered mindlessly, "What about yours?"

Aang didn't realize how lucky he was that he was being offered a slot in which he could _talk_, from Cari. Toph would've paid good money for this exclusive privelage. He shrugged.

"I used to have loads! But Katara says I should focus more on my training. I have to defeat the Fire Lord." He explained solemnly. From the face of a kid, it didn't look right.

"Ouch," Cari said, which was the extent of her sympathy, "Katara's too bossy-do what you feel like!"

Aang tried to laugh, but it was a weak attempt. They continued to walk in silence, Cari trying to disguise a yawn whilst Aang tried to think of a response that justified Katara having complete control over him. He realized how useless this was; Cari would only shoot back a witty reply, pushing him even further into his own grave.

"So, you like Matchmaking huh?" He asked a little too enthusiastically as he scratched the back of his head nervously, "How do you...make them, exactly?"

Cari raised an eyebrow at him, not being able to believe his stupidity.

"I don't make matches." She told him firmly, "I match _people._"

"Oh!" Aang said, his cheeks reddening, "Like...love wise?"

"Yup."

"...Are you any good?"

"I'm the best!" She exclaimed, as if it wasn't obvious, "Right now I'm working on something very special, something close to my heart."

"Toph and Sokka?" Aang guessed. Cari shot him a radiant smile, glad that he could see the obvious love between the two unknowing friends, who had no idea what embarrassment and torture they were going to have to go through at the expense of two very imaginative and fearless maniacs.

"You wanna help?" Cari invited graciously; usually she worked by herself- that way she got the gratitude if it worked out. Which, I'm sorry to say, was a rare treat. It's not because the two people weren't suited for each other. On the contrary, Cari had an uncanny knack of spotting two people who would make a nice couple. However, these two may have actually had the chance of getting it together_themselves. _That is, until Cari jumps in with her wild plans and wicked strategies, most of them ending up in tears, severe burns and law suits.

"Of course!" Aang nodded in acceptance eagerly, glad to see his favourite thing: love (which Katara graciously allowed, thank goodness. But only because she was convinced that he had eyes only for her), being shared by two of his best friends. Good news? I think not.

"_Toph and Sokka..."_ They sighed in unison, both of them holding their hands to their hearts and picturing the perfect couple. However, they still had one obstacle to get past until they could put their plans into actions. A pissed-off obstacle.

* * *

"Aang!?" Katara screeched to emptiness. Her shrill voice cut through the stiff morning air and caused birds to take flight from the trees. It was like Godzilla all over again. Except with hormonal frustration- only disaster and maybe a few broken bones and waterlogged situations could follow.

She heard rippling laughter, flowing and innocent. Aang was chuckling just over a hill. A smile broke across Katara's now kind and motherly face, but it hardened to one of a drunk crack-head as she heard another laugh. It was the cackle of Cari.

Instead of floating serenely up the hill, she clawed her way upwards, ripping out fistfuls of the earth, and perspirating heavily. Aang would be mesmerized...!

Eventually she reached the top and saw them both, just standing and chattering away. Cari seemed to be standing less than six feet away from Aang, which made Katara furious.

"JUST A SECO-" As she took a livid step forward, she realized that yes, she was at the top of a hill and no, it didn't provide completely flat land to just step out onto. So down she tumbled, and finally fell in a heap at the base. Cari couldn't contain her laughter.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!" Katara screeched, leaping to her feet and drawing a lash of water from her pouch. It wobbled almost comically between the two girls. Aang watched on with little interest.

Cari raised an eyebrow and punched the ground, which caused a large and very heavy looking rock to spring from the ground and hover by her side. Katara eyed it apprehensively.

"Ya know what earth and water create, Loopy?" Cari asked in a low voice.

"...Mud fight?" Aang asked hopefully, no doubt getting much too excited.

"QUIET YOU HORNY CRETIN!" Cari spat in disgust, apparently forgetting her soft spot for the delightful young man, "Well...yes you're right. Mud. But I think we should skip the pleasantries and get straight to the point!"

With a flash of her hand, Cari summoned some mud from a nearby puddle and flung it straight at Katara.

SPLATTER!

Katara screeched unpleasantly, and with her own skills, she too sent some mud in Cari's direction.

Again, Aang declined into a state of excitement which was really very disturbing. Fortunately, he came to his senses- perhaps an exasperated Roku was still watching over him and had to prod him in the right direction with a sigh. Springing to life (this time with a little dignity) he stood in between the two furious girls. Cari had a bit of a late reaction and launched some mud at Katara, but instead hit Aang full in the face.

As he absentmindedly wiped it away Cari tried very hard not to burst out laughing. Katara however...

"Aang!" She shrieked, and in frenzy, ripped a piece of her clothing from her in order to provide a cloth for Aang's imperfections. After a few minutes he managed to beat her off. As the infuriating limpet she was, Katara took this as hand-flailings of fear and shock, and pulled him into an even tighter embrace. Her loving gaze melted away as she found her hands being firmly removed from Aang's body, giving the little man time to rub circulation back into the major limbs. Cari was the culprit. And was very near death at this moment, as Katara fumed at being separated from her love by force.

"I think Aang stepped between us and got 'maimed' to _stop_the childish fighting, Loopy." Cari said in a dull voice as the growling water bender pulled out her water yet again. Amazingly, Katara wilted underneath Cari's confident gaze. She sighed and took a look at herself- covered in mud, and breathing like a bull. Of course she was still livid at Cari. _But a mud fight isn't the way to solve it! What must Aang think of me?_ She thought anxiously, quickly trying to dust herself off.

"Y'ok, Loopy?" Cari asked, this time the nickname meant for a friend. She smiled. If Toph was there she would catch the wicked gleam in those rich mahogany eyes and suss her out immediately. Katara, however, was nonplussed and simply nodded, her guard up.

"You're just in time Katara!" Aang told her brightly, giving a brief burst of air which lifted the mud off of them all, "We were just planning to set up Sokka and Toph!"

Katara simply stared at them both.

"...Sokka as in my brother? Toph...as in the crazy, blind, mud-wrestler?"

"Toph as in my best friend, so watch it." Cari growled, her hair falling into her eyes and casting shadows across her alluring face. She looked very threatening. Katara cleared her throat quickly, turning red.

"I'm not sure they'd make the best couple!" She tried to explain, "They'd just fight all the time!"

"Actually, I think they've gotten past that stage." Aang insisted, "They've grown pretty close over all these months. We've kind of separated, the four of us. Into...couples?" He himself then had the slightest tinge of colour in his cheeks as he peered up at Katara. She stared at him blankly, missing the point completely and continued to ramble on, giving _her _view on this situation. As always.

"He's much to old for her!"

"Does that mean I'm too young for you?"Aang muttered grumpily underneath his breath.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're ninety-eight years older than me!" Katara dismissed. Cari just watched sceptically.

_They seem to talk about their relationship as unromantically as a business deal...where's the excitement and passion? Another reason why Katara is an awful girlfriend..._

It_did _seem a little unusual that Katara completely over-looked the romantic suggestions that Aang had been waving around under her very nose since she seemed captivated by him night and day, never left his side and always seemed desperate for signs of affection- so much so that she would take a friendly hello as an 'I love you' and collapse into a state of swooning and fanning herself serenely.

But at this point, she was too over-come with the control over her brother and her friend. She was enjoying it a little too much.

"...So no. We shouldn't set them up." She finished, meeting an unimpressed silence.

"It wasn't a question." Cari pointed out. Katara then lost all grace and her train of thought.

"Well...I...he's still my brother...so-"

"She's my best friend. She needs some lovin'." Cari interrupted, "I think Sokka is the perfect guy for old Toph-in-Coffin. Sense of humour, likes to eat, sarcasm. He's a mirror image of Toph!"

"Well_I _believe firmly in opposites attracting!" Katara argued, folding her arms and turning red again. She looked to Aang expectantly. He just shrugged pathetically.  
"I think they'd make a nice couple, Katara!" He insisted, "What's wrong with just giving it a try?"  
"Well," Katara spluttered and juttered to a halt, "...It could go really wrong, they could get embarrassed and there would be loads of awkward silences!"

"All the more silences to fill!" Cari chipped in merrily. Katara tried not to glare at her, since Aang seemed to like her, but she still couldn't stop her face flushing even more or the dangerous flash from her eyes. But everything suddenly cooled as she felt Aang's hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, Katara," He pleaded sweetly, "We're in a war. Not many people get a shot at love. What if we create something beautiful?"

Now, if I was there, I probably would've cried. Toph would've probably punched him. Cari, on the other hand, remained subtle, and secretly rolled her eyes. Katara smiled waveringly, and placed her hand on top of his.

"Ok, Aang." She simpered, "Let's create something beau-"

"If you finish that soppy sentence, I may have to throw up on you." Cari warned. So instead, they gathered together and sighed once more:

"_Toph and Sokka..."_

That's right...Toph and Sokka...had better enjoy the tranquility while it lasted.


	4. Love Handles

"…Toph?" Sokka murmured thickly, still half asleep.

"…merrrrrrrg…" She gurgled, face down in the earth.

The two of them were usually the last people to get up, but they would never sleep so deeply that when they finally emerged from their slumbers, the rest of the group had moved on without them. However, there had been one significant alteration to this group whom we follow each week (or every _month_ now…yes, Nickelodeon, that was a jab at _you!_). Furthermore, this significant alteration of the group has lead to disrupt the normal patterns of their daily life, such as trying not to take off without two members of the said group. And we all know who that little alteration is, don't we? If not, please leave, your ignorance sickens me.

"…Where is everyone…?" Sokka asked, scanning the area dreamily.

"They probably went on a walk..." Toph mumbled, this time sounding like she had indeed evolved from apes like the rest of us.

"Urrr…" Sokka said, raising a hand and pointing somewhere, his hand wobbling from bleariness, "Appa's gone too…" He watched the empty space to where he was pointing- the indent in the earth that was left by the huge Air Bison. He blinked at it a couple of times, frowning slightly, as if trying to work out a maths problem.

"They probably went on a flight…" Toph burbled, her tone identical to before.

"All the stuff is gone…"

"They probably…went…" Toph didn't finish, surrendering to her lack of knowledge on the situation, and to her exhaustion. She began to snore gently.

"Toph," Sokka said, slightly more awake now as his brain started to kick up and whirr again, working valiantly and bloody slowly as he tried to put two and two together. Eventually…

"D'you think they left without us?"

Silence.

"Those bastards."

* * *

"Cari, I really don't understand this plan…" Katara confessed her troubles, glancing behind her as Appa took them further and further away from Toph and Sokka. They were completely out of it even after the three of them returned from the walk.

"It's simple, Loopy!" Cari said happily as she bent too far over the edge of Appa's saddle, letting the wind whip through her hair and sting her eyes until they streamed, "They have to find us, don't they?"

"I guess they'll_try _to…" Katara corrected her, a crease appearing in her forehead.

"And _how _will they do this?" Cari sang cheerfully.

She thought for a moment.

"Abysmally?"

"NO!" Cari snapped impatiently, "_Together._" She announced, suddenly sweet and lovely, her lisp never so poignant. The sudden change was astonishing. Katara just watched her nervously.

"Well, yes…but how do we know they won't get sick of each other?"

"They won't." Cari dismissed shortly, "This will only bring them closer together- sharing an experience, with just the two of them. They'll reminisce together and if we're lucky, they may well get their act together on the journey and realize their true feelings!" She concluded, saying this all in one breath.

"What do you think, Aang?" Katara asked, determined to try and find another way.

Aang shrugged. Katara frowned. Cari smirked.

"I think Cari's plan is good." Aang told her.

Aang beamed at Cari. Katara blinked at Aang. Cari smiled sweetly (and smugly) at Katara.

"Right." Katara said, her voice stiff, her posture rigid, and her mind set in stone. She did not like Cari. To be quite Frank, she wasn't exactly jumping to be friends with her in the first place, but now she was certain. Well _then, _she was certain.

Katara stomped off- to the corner of Appa's saddle. She couldn't really stomp either, as it would click Appa's rickety spine out of place again. So really, she just sauntered over somewhere and sat down. It wasn't the effect she had hoped for- and both Aang and Cari completely overlooked it.

"So, Aang." Cari said- Katara tensed ever tighter and gritted her teeth as Cari jumped over the saddle and joined Aang on Appa's neck, "How do you steer this big guy?"

"Weeell just pull the ropes in the direction you want to go." Aang said, shrugging his shoulders, "You want a try?"

"Welllllok." Cari accepted smugly, and wrenched them out of Aang's bewildered grasp.

"Uh, well I really meant after a brief tutorial-" Aang gabbled, looking extremely anxious as Cari cackled and whipped the reins viciously. Even Katara stopped muttering to take a look. Appa gave a rumbling growl, and didn't seem opposed to chucking this crazy shrew right off. Furrowing her eyebrows, Cari devised a plan quicker than a blink of an eye. With one last glance at Aang, she flung herself backwards and completely off the edge of Appa, not forgetting an overdramatic: "OH!"

* * *

"Sokka? They left this." Toph said, her teeth nearly ground into dust since that morning. Sokka scrambled up and saw a roll of paper in Toph's small hand. He took it from her and read aloud:

"_Hey guys! You may have noticed that we're…well not there anymore. We figured you needed some exercise, after flying around on that crazy buffalo thing all the time. We have noticed that Toph seems to be getting some love-handles lately-"_

"WHAT?!" Toph screamed, flushing deep red at the mention of her bodily bits in front of Sokka, "GIVE ME THAT-"

"We need it! It might say where they are!" Sokka argued, holding it out of her reach, only to be thwarted by Toph making a pedestal so large she cast a shadow over the boy who was so obviously disadvantaged. He gulped and squeaked: "Please?"

She stood there for a minute, hands seized into claws, teeth bared like an animal, her hair a wild bush. After a sigh, she returned to the floor and gestured him to continue lazily. Sokka eyed her warily before carrying on.

"Um…_love…handles lately and Sokka does seem to be developing a double chin, not to mention his…_receding HAIRLINE?! THAT'S IT-"

"SOKKA!" Toph barked, rolling her eyes.

"_You_were allowed _your _episode!" He exclaimed indignantly, but he managed to calm down, not before patting his hair.

"_We're heading to Fire Lily Bay, so we hope you can join us there! Oh and Sokka, make sure that Toph combs her hair and washes out her mouth regularly. You know how beautiful she can really be when she brushes up nice! Kisses- Cari."_

Sokka lowered the paper slowly, and awaited Toph's reaction.

"We'd better set off now." She stated, deadly quiet, "The sooner I get to maul that…that…" She took a deep breath, and decided she wouldn't bother trying to conjure up a word bad enough (although I can think of a few), "The sooner I get to maul her, the better."

So they set off, Toph with a better outlook on this long travel, because Sokka (who was lagging after five minutes, tongue lolling and gasping) had only ever known traveling with the comfort of Appa.

At this moment, as we watch them disappear over the horizon, Sokka still choking on his own cholesterol level, we can only wonder. Will this turn out as planned? Judging by Cari's past attempts we can safely say that prayer would be necessary and possibly our only option…

Until next time!


	5. Appa Access Anyone?

**Disclaimer: The real life Carrie happens to NOT be suicidal. (Or a cradle snatcher like Katara) Isn't that a relief?**

Greetings! Let's continue, shall we?

So where were we…Ah, yes. Might as well chip in a little summary whilst I'm at it.

So Aang, Katara and the shiny and new Cari have left Sokka and Toph to make their own way to Fire Lily Bay, in order to bring them closer together, and ultimately force them into a couple. At this point Sokka and Toph have no Appa-Access, and Sokka is deteriorating without regular twenty minute snacks. Are the two GAang members really on the path to love, or are they walking down the route to destruction?

Meanwhile, Katara has finally recognized Cari's advances towards Aang and has decided to hate her. Will this little love triangle (I'd say an isosceles, as they both show equal amounts of affection for him, though Cari is more subtle and altogether saner with hers) corrupt Katara and Aang's once beautiful friendship? We can only hope, since Katara is Jezebel in wanime form.

Although she was completely over protective of the little sweetheart already, she realized that her rash accusations of quirky "Matchsticks/Lover Girl" were actually _true _this time. So she seized her chance and planned to throw stony silences at Cari (and in the long run, she was hoping to throw a little water, and maybe some more mud after that).

But Cari had other plans; she kind of…well she chucked herself off of Appa before Katara got a chance to even shut her mouth (but to be honest, that would have taken at least a week).

Now, I'm sure you're as confused as _I _am as to why she actually did that- and I bloody well wrote it! I'm pretty certain that not even Toph would be able to unscramble the cryptic crap that was going on in that girl's mind. Let's zoom in and check on _that _one shall we?

"CARI!" Aang cried, watching the girl simply fall and fall…Katara simply leaned over the edge, watching the lump that was Cari with a very interested expression.

"And so she fell," She declared, trying to sound poetic and dramatic, but barely containing the glee that almost blew her apart, "Like a leaf caught on the wind…hah."

Actually, she shot through the air like a rocket. Whistling. No I'm not kidding. You'll probably be surprised and skeptical to find out that Cari wasn't the slightest bit afraid. If her plan didn't turn out as she hoped. She would simply manipulate the earth so she could sink straight into it, with no hard impact to be heard of. Or felt of.

But sure enough, she heard the whooshing sounds of a glider manipulating the air currents. Aang was slicing through the air towards her at an unbelievable speed. He stretched out an arm; one hand still clamped to his trusty steed, which dispensed confectionary as well- if only things such as iPods provided this truly wonderful service as well.

He snatched Cari out of the air and wrapped his outstretched arm around her waist, beginning to climb upwards back to Appa. Cari grinned wildly and snuggled into him, enjoying the sensation of the wind roaring in her ears.

Her plan had worked!

I know, I know- the word insanity comes to mind. But this is Cari- she'd honestly go as far as making herself airborne for a little attention. What can we do but awe her?

They touched back down gently on Appa- who was still trundling across the sky, thinking idly about what he and Momo would discuss over their date that night as if nothing had happened. Mostly likely pears. And other fruits.

Katara was clearly livid. She was beside herself with jealousy and rage and complete disbelief that Cari chose to commit an attempt at suicide just for Aang's attention.

"I cannot BELIEVE that you would-"

"Katara, please! Cari may be hurt!" Aang interrupted, causing Katara to break a tooth from grinding them violently as he gently lay Cari down on her back. She looked up at Aang with the same beauty as when those two lions were in love in Lion King- you know, when Lana's looking up at Simba from the grass during "Can you feel the love tonight"? Beautiful…

"Cari, are you ok?" The young and naïve Avatar asked, whilst Katara raged in the background.

"Well…I don't know!" Cari replied breathlessly, "I just…fell off! It was_terrifying_!" She seized the front of his Air Nomad robes and shook him dramatically.

"Uh-May-be-You-Should-Rest-For-A-Min-ute!" Aang choked between each jerk.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET OFF OF HIM!" Katara bellowed, with the warble of a Baritone. They were both suddenly still, Aang red in the face, Cari's eyes wide and innocent-looking. But those pitiful irises didn't fool Katara- she was too busy inflating rapidly to notice anyway.

"K-Katara?" Aang choked, watching the sweet girl he had once known transform into a raging…well it's gotta be Godzilla again, folks. At the sound of her name passing through his honey vocal chords, suddenly she calmed, at such rapid speed that she fell to her knees. Nevertheless she managed to fix her attention on Aang.

"Yeeeys?" She sighed, eyeing him, idolizing him and also creeping him out a little.

"Are you ok?" He asked warily, but he never got an answer.

"She's fine." Cari dismissed, and she sat up briskly, "Thanks so much for saving my life, Aang, without you…I dare not think about it!" And she reached over and kissed him on the cheek, as Pride and Prejudice as you like!

I know, I know…even _I _would've thrown up at that, and I've written a lot of corny Romance Fics. Despite her lovely façade just before, Katara just about exploded.

"What- do I have to throw myself off this big guy just to get your attention?!" She burst out, bright red, hitting Aang on the shoulder. But Aang didn't react. He was staring at Cari very strangely and unless I'm very much mistaken…with slightly pink cheeks?

A sudden rumble from Appa told them that they had finally reached Fire Lily Bay, with only one suicide attempt, two screaming fits from _someone _I won't mention because it's apparently tactful and humorously sarcastic in a way…

And only one plot to murder Cari.

All in all, quite a calm and collected trip…!

* * *

"Are we there ye-"

"If you _dare _to finish that ludicrous and typical expression, then I won't hesitate to put you in a whirlpool of kickass earth, Tufty." Toph growled, punching Sokka in frustration. He yelped and fell over. Toph eyed him skeptically.

"Don't be such a baby; usually you would never fall over at a punch that weak!" She scolded him sternly. Sokka scrambled up, absentmindedly rubbing his newly formed bruise.

"Well if I had some food in me, like normal, then I would have something to weigh me down. But I haven't had any for ages-"

"Sokka we've been walking for fifteen minutes.

"That's long for me!" He whined, dragging his feet and throwing his hands up in frustration, "I can't believe they took all the food as well…"

"I guess they thought you could sustain yourself with my lips." Toph spat, her expression furious. Sokka froze as the colour magenta (quite a pleasant colour, not the putrid shade of crimson that Katara turned every time she was angry or jealous) and stared at Toph.

"Y-your lips?" He said in a daze. Mini Tophs could've danced around his head he was that out of it.

"Sokka, you _must_know what this is about." Toph said incredulously. Sokka could prove to be quite intelligent sometimes, although that was after a filled stomach and that much loved Appa-Access.

"Well now you mention it…" Sokka said, "I think this was Aang's so he could make a move on my sister without me around." His expression went dark...Toph rolled her eyes.

"That's not it. And anyway, Cari's bound to make her move so there will be no happily ever after for the Sugar Kingdom." She smiled slightly. When it came to Katara and Cari, she definitely preferred her oldest friend. Plus she seemed less crazy- by a small margin.

"The plan," She continued, "Is to get _us _together."

Silence.

"Those BASTARDS!"

* * *

**P.S.Wanime---wannabe anime**

* * *

**P.P.S. - who LOVED that long awaited new episode of Avatar? Zuko is hilarious in the GAang But Katara is a little she-devil…That may affect the route that this story takes concerning that little Tripe, but in this case we can only say…**

**Katara Haters: UNITE!!!**

**TTFN ;-) **


	6. Zutarians Rejoice!

On the warm sands of Fire Lily Bay, the three "friends" sat in silence. A stony silence, in Katara's case, a thoughtful silence, regarding Aang and a relaxed silence for Cari.

"I wonder how they're doing." Cari mused, thinking of subjects Toph and Sokka.

"Probably having more fun than us." Katara mumbled.

"Aw, don't be so pessimistic, Loopy!" Cari teased, tossing back her mocha hair and beaming. Katara seethed silently.

"Do you think they're together yet?" Aang asked impatiently, "I miss Sokka for his sarcasm and I miss Toph for...well all she does is punch me."

"Well it's nice to know you enjoy _our_company, Aang." Katara snapped, as Cari thumped Aang for good measure. The moody Water Bender folded her arms as she glared sternly at his left ear; she was too scared to scowl straight at him, in case he decided he didn't like her. In fact, Aang simply shrunk away from her.

"I didn't say that…" He murmured quietly.

"Ignore her; she's a bit stroppy at the moment." Cari advised wisely, digging her bare toes into the sand and tossing back her head for maximum sunlight to hit her olive skin. Cari had this way of detecting when people were in bad moods. The problem is, she would always voice her discovery in front of the subject, who would get even more pissed off. And so…

"I AM **NOT**STROPPY!" Katara exploded. She lurched onto her feet and pointed at Cari violently, "_Stop trying to pretend you know everything!_"

"But…I do." Cari argued simply, staring up at Katara as if they were sharing a normal conversation instead of one between a bull and a_normal_person. Or as normal as Cari could possibly be. She barely scrapes the mark really...

"No-You-DON'T." The crazy Water Bender roared. Her head snapped in the direction of Aang, who jerked and cringed in fright, "Tell her, Aang! She's only known us a few days. How could she _possibly_know everything about us?"

Aang looked to Cari, who seemed on the verge of laughter.

"I-"

"Now hold it there, Sweetness," Cari interrupted, holding her hands up to reveal to silver and chunky gothic rings on each thumb, "I didn't say I know everything about you. It's simply obvious that you are pissed off."

And at this point, Katara's world fell apart, for one simple reason- Aang laughed at Cari's remark. A sweet chuckle slipped through those honey vocal chords and her heart turned to stone.

She watched his face crease in mirth with utter loss.

_So he's sided with her…just because she's _funny._Well…I definitely know I do not hold the appreciation and gift to create comic irony for entertainment…_

Of course, she _had_to be that uptight to come up with that sort of comment instead of just saying _I'm not funny, _thus proving the point of Cari's obvious appeal showing much more beneficial value over Katara's. In short- Cari is the better choice.

Of course, Katara may have been overacting, or maybe she was again right but only because she was insane and didn't realize that if she got professional help, then she could be quite…well, intelligent!

If she was right…then the Avatar had broken free from the Kataang shipper's obsessive clutches, and the Zutarians will probably rejoice and burn dummies of Aang. Also, he would've fallen for Cari, the hilarious but terrifying harlot. (HAHAHA!)

If she was wrong…then she was about to blow any chance she would have with Aang anyway, so really it made no difference. We can only sit back and enjoy the show…which will commence in the next chapter...

No I'm kidding. If you've already screamed and punched a hole in your computer screen, then there's really no point in me apologizing now, as you won't be there to see it…! So instead, I'll apologize to the people I slightly horrified. Sorry.

MOVING ON.

Yet again, Katara's hormones raged their riot which caused her to turn bright red, her hair to become static and unmanageable and her eyes to bulge a couple of millimeters out of their sockets. Experts on human (or cartoon character) behavior would instantly identify this as a state of anger…and so could anyone.

Basically, Katara _was_stroppy. And a liar! But so are all of us when we are accused of being pissed off. And pissed, for that matter.

"FINE!" She shrieked, "IF YOU'RE SIDING WITH _HER_I MIGHT AS WELL NOT BE HERE! MAYBE I SHOULD GO AND…AND…"

But as we, the Avid Avatar Audience knows, when Katara is stressed, her wit goes out of the metaphorical window. Aang seemed confused at another one of Katara's outbursts. Cari raised her eyebrows.

"My_god_woman," Cari said, too irate to even summon up a nickname, "Get out more, leave the Monk and his limbs alone, and then maybe your mind will function more successfully than that of a primitive life form."

So that's when Katara hit her, thus tying the strings of fate, which would surely end up throttling her.

* * *

"So…they're doing this to get us together?" Sokka asked, perplexed at why his friends and that other crazy girl would do such a thing. Toph nodded glumly as they stopped for some food in a little shop. They chose some noodles from the counter, paid the small amount of money that their 'friends' had left them and squeezed onto a small table in the corner.

"It's really typical of them to think that friends of opposite genders should get together," Toph commented, hoping that Sokka's mind wouldn't speed up from a stomach full of food so fast that he would realize that she was simply playing along. Bowing her head so her raven hair fell and hid her face, Toph managed to disguise a blush. There was no need for it though; Sokka's face was already submerged in his bowl, chopsticks lying forgotten on the table.

"You know," Sokka started after a belch, "I realize that we are of opposite genders, which would naturally spark a romantic interest…notbetweenusofcourse!" He added in a gush, "But I don't know why they think we would make a good couple."

"Why not?" Toph asked, suddenly alert. She was idly picking at her noodles, showing her rare dainty side. Sokka watched her slender, porcelain fingers manipulate the chopsticks, forgetting his train of thought. He gulped and touched back down to earth.

"Well…I'm three years older than you!"

"I recall Suki being a year older than _you._" Toph pointed out, her tone suddenly icy at the mention of the Kyoshi warrior.

Oh, just so you know, I loved Suki and all- I mean, what a star- but she was in the way of Tokka, so I killed her off. NO arguments. Tokka comes first. (Spoken like a true Cari.)

"Well…yes…but a year is shorter than three."

"Genius." Toph snorted, a little more venomously than she would have if Suki wasn't the topic of conversation. Sokka wriggled uncomfortably.

"I mean, you're lovely and all, Toph, but-"

"But I don't wave around little fans like a delicate princess." The wild Earth Bender spat, realizing a little too late that she had blown her cover. She had acted a little _too_jealous and vindictive. However, Sokka still hadn't absorbed the food into his blood stream so he was a still _little_slow (little meaning that he wasn't able to tell Iroh from the Buddah). But not too slow that he missed Toph's dark mood.  
"What's up Toph? Suki was a nice girl!" Sokka said, choking on his words slightly as he used the past tense on his late girlfriend, "Sounds like you're jealous…" He teased. Toph's temperature shot up and her palms began to itch.

_BOLLOCKS! He KNOWS?_She yelled in her head.

"…I didn't think you were the kind of girl who was into fans." He finished, the imbecile.

"I've had plenty of fans!" Toph protested, outraged, but relieved all the same at Sokka's stupidity, "Remember, I was the Earth Wrestling champion. You think I didn't have my followe-Oh…_those_fans."

Sokka snickered and Toph scowled.

"You know, we really_wouldn't_make a good couple." Toph shot at him, her arms folded stubbornly, "We can hardly communicate unless you've got a fat belly and a belch rising up your gullet!"

And with that, she stormed from the little shop in a huff.

It seemed that the plan wasn't going to run smoothly at all…Oh shut up, Taang Fans.

* * *

"Toph!" Sokka cried, as he exited the little shop, grieving over the bowl of food he had just left behind, "Wait!"

The stumpy Earth Manipulator sighed and her pace slowed. She waited, stony faced, for Sokka to catch her up. Once feeling his familiar galumpy steps, (a word that I made myself, and am proud of. ©!) she sighed and relaxed.

"Sorry, Tufty." She apologized stiffly, "Sometimes emotions take hold, y'know?"

Sokka frowned slightly as they stood amidst the hustle and bustle of a market they were passing through. Unluckily for Toph, his intelligence had finally picked up the pace.

"Toph, correct me if I'm wrong…" He gulped, and forced himself to go on, his heartbeat quickening, "But it sounds like you actually want us-"

But let us curse the 'Spirits' (honestly...) that Sokka wasn't able to finish his sentence, that was about to contain something us Tokka fans were URGING this boy to say. Without warning, the ground began to tremble ever so slightly. An ostrich-horse stepped back from its water trough in alarm as its contents started to ripple eerily. The quaking grew steadily more obvious, as pots for sale began to shake, some falling off of their shelves and shattering. Sokka frantically seized Toph's arm. Although she was perfectly capable of standing up on her own two feet, even in an earthquake, she didn't mind. In fact, as the ground began to rattle and heave, as the crowd began to shriek and scream, as all chaos broke loose, Toph smiled, completely oblivious to the riot around her.

_Wow…and I thought it was always going to be me that had to hold onto _his_arm…_

But she managed to distract herself from the pleasant warmth that was bubbling through her, and realized that she recognized this type of earthquake. Conveniently, (which has NOTHING to do with me…!) a skilled Earth Bender like Toph could recognize different earth quakes, if they were natural or caused by bending, and this particular one was very familiar. It took her back to a time when she and Cari were playing in the vast garden surrounding her house, and she managed to insult her very deeply- it was something about a boy or something. I think it was a comment on his hair. Thus, causing Cari to summon great strength- which was channeled through a delightfully terrifying earthquake, an earthquake much like this one. Toph rolled her eyes.

"I knew she wouldn't put up with Katara for long…" She groaned.

"Huh?" Sokka squeaked, still clutching her arm, but crouched down with his head between his knees. With a kick to the earth, Toph forced Sokka upwards and reluctantly pulled herself out of his clutches.

"This isn't a Natural Disaster, Sokka," She told him knowingly, "This is just a disaster. It's Cari."

"Cari's…doing this?"

"Yes. And I bet it's your sister that caused her to act in such a destructive way."

Sokka wasn't listening to that; he was too busy in awe of Cari's immense power and was watching the earthquake now with respect, rather than terror.

"She must be even better than _you_!" He mused, thoughtlessly. A colossal punch managed to quite literally beat the thought out of his head.

"Wrong." Toph growled, her fists clenched and her expression indignant, "_I_just happen to have better control over my emotions!"

"Clearly…" Sokka muttered sarcastically, trying and failing to pop the dent out of his arm.

"On the bright side," Toph said dully, "We're nearer to Fire Lily Bay than we thought. Once again, your map-reading skills fail to provide accuracy."

"I'd like to see you do better…" Sokka mumbled.

"So would I." She snapped, "But obviously we only have _you_to rely on. We'd better ask directions in order to end up in the right place, instead of following _your_estimations and finding ourselves beating up a few Fire Nation Soldiers."

Sokka stuck his tongue out right in Toph's face. Toph retaliated by seizing the front of his clothes and threatening:

"You want another imperfection to match that boil you had on there, Snoozles?" She threatened. Sokka's eyes were wide as he recognized the proximity of their faces. He could see every different shade of emerald, forest and jade beneath the milky mask that hid them from him. He had never realized how many colours she had concealed.

"Mmm?" He said in a daze. Toph frowned in confusion, but sense the closeness of Sokka and threw him back immediately.

"Listen, Sokka." She said, smoothing down her clothes and trying to suppress the blush seeping across her face, "It's probably better that we stay away for a while, ok? We don't want to get caught in the middle of the two craziest girls we've ever come across at war, do we? I mean, think of what will happen! Mud fights, shards of ice, chunks of rocks! It's just safer if we stay here and-I don't know- kill some time for a bit?" She realized that she was rambling due to her discomfort.

Sokka smiled, realizing just how cute she was underneath the surface.

* * *

Cari's eyes were like tunnels, her mahogany hair whipped around her face and her spindly fingers with talon-like nails were crippled into claws. The ground beneath her was shaking so violently, that neither Katara nor Aang could stand up. Luckily Aang was further away, at Appa's side, so his delicate little frame wasn't about to be harmed. As if Cari OR Katara would let that happen anyway!

Now, maybe Katara had insulted her boyfriend's hairdo- NO she didn't, she did the unmentionable, something that not even TOPH would dream of doing to Cari, even when she was at her most annoying. Katara actually _hit_Cari. The untouchable Matchsticks. The force-field protected Lover Girl it seemed.

Katara had crossed the line. And boy was she going to pay for it.

She stared up at Cari with horror in her eyes, her mouth hanging open and struggling to stand up.

"Oh dear…" Was all she could say, not that her words were easy to understand since she was being tossed about.

Cari let out a shriek that bounced off the mountains and reached neighboring planets. It could curdle blood, it could extinguish Azula's lightning bolts, it could melt the brains of the hasty little water bender before her.

"Cari?" Aang called warily, not expecting to be heard. He watched her in complete disbelief, "Hey- is that what I look like in the Avatar state?" He asked Appa, who carried on munching grass, oblivious to the chaos that was happening right in front of him.

Yes Aang, it's pretty much what you look like, except Cari looked more liable to explode at any second.

"Cari?" Katara mimicked Aang (typical!) and finally managed to stay on her feet, "I'm…sorry!" She wailed, the unfamiliar feeling of apologizing burning her tongue.

Suddenly, the ground became still and the startling stop caused both Katara and Aang to fall over again. The birds began to sing, and the trees leaned in the casual breeze. Peace. Katara heaved a sigh of relief and got to her feet, her knees shaking uncontrollably. It seemed she was forgiven.

"Cari," Katara cried, "I'm so glad you've forgiv-"

But at this point she looked up. And saw that _no,_ Cari _hadn't_forgiven her. Would I seriously write that? I'm trying to make her as realistic as possible here!

She knew this because heading towards her at a tearing speed, with a terrifying rumble that barely covered that blood-thirsty scream of Cari's, was a colossal mud slide.


	7. BitchBending Battle

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

A shrill, ear-melting scream rippled across the land, causing trees to quiver, window panes to rattle, and for Sokka and Toph in a nearby town to flinch.

"They're still not done?" Sokka complained, ripping another chunk of bread and stuffing it into his mouth, disgruntled. Toph shook her head, deep in concentration as her hand caressed the earth, feeling the violence of Cari's earth bending.

"There are still a couple of hours left in her yet," She assured him glumly and sat up from her kneeling position, "Who do you think screamed?"

"That was definitely a Katara scream." Sokka confirmed, "I've never heard one as crazy as that though, except when maybe I cut off her loops once. Took months for them to grow back. It looked like she had another pair of eyebrows for a while."

Toph considered this for a while, and grinned.

"What do you think Katara did to upset Cari so much anyway?" Sokka wondered.

Toph shrugged.

"It takes a lot for Cari to get _this _mad," She said thoughtfully, "Usually she's oblivious to annoyance, unless she's irritating someone else." She sighed, "We might be stuck here for a while, Snoozles. I don't like the idea of getting within a mile's radius of the battlegrounds."

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? It seems to ME that Toph was pre-tty hasty to settle down in a delightful village, with slight earthquake damages with her good friend Sokka. Tufty didn't seem to mind either, in fact; his stomach positively _gurgled _with enthusiasm. I am speaking the truth people: a little thing called _fondness _was starting to blossom between them, not quite love, but not quite disgust at the same time. It's a beautiful thing…

* * *

Sorry to drag you away from the action, folks. As I was saying, Cari rose herself even higher into the air with the help of the earth, and summoned the masses of earth rumbling down to destroy her nemesis. Nemes-Katara, I mean, stood absolutely motionless, after the scream that had ripped from her lungs and across the grounds. She watched in absolute horror as half the mountain raged towards her.

_Wait! _She thought quickly, _there's water in mud! _

Well done, Katara…! It took her _that _long.

With an elaborate swoop of her arms, a kick of the foot, the raising of an eyebrow and a few body cells shifting place, she threw all of her force and energy against the mud careering towards her. It slowed down considerably, and then came to a stop, wobbling and swinging as both contestants tried valiantly to overpower the other.

Aang watched in horror and awe as they screamed and perspirated. He was also slightly aroused.

Movingonfromagrosssubject we have Katara the mighty menstruater, battling against Katara whilst trying to keep her hair under control at the same time, and we have Cari, the maniac with huge boulders on her side, her muscles swelling as she gritted her teeth and pushed on.

A sudden idea struck Cari.

"Hey Katara, I heard Aang insulting your mothering skills earlier."

"Huh?" Katara gasped, distraught and mortified. She dropped her arms and Cari took this opportunity to pursue her dreams and cause the sea of mud to wash over her.

It only took a matter of seconds for her to be swept off of her feet, carried down the rest of the hill they had set up camp on and then be miraculously stopped…by a tree.

_Crunch._

Aang winced, Appa snorted, Cari beamed.

Slowly Katara peeled herself from the huge trunk and her face emerged, red, covered in mud and with a series of splinters sticking out at odd angles.

Cari started to cackle, which moved on to crippling over amidst the laughs, which progressed to tears pouring down her cheeks. Nothing made Cari laugh like the humiliation of others- es_pecially _when caused by her.

"MUWAHAHAHA-"

"AAAAAH!" Cari's screams of evil laughter were unjustly interrupted by another one of Katara's shrieks. Covered head to toe in muck, she launched herself at the wench, ripping water from the very air, her eyes alight with malice.

Cari raised her eyebrows indignantly at the interruption; Aang cringed and hid his face in Appa's fur. Appa stroked Momo lovingly, still oblivious.

However, despite Cari's nonchalance at Godzilla lurching towards her, she was being the teensiest bit big headed. The infamous water whip was coming her way-

_Flick._

_Wha-__**TSH!!!**_

"…OWOWOWOWOWOWOW" Cari chanted, hopping from foot to foot, grimacing in agony as she clutched her face. Katara didn't smile- she was nowhere finished yet.

Cari was furious, even worse than before-off the scale, her eyes clouded, and her lips curled into a snarl.

Wuh. Oh.

"BITCH-WHORE-HARLOT-PROZZIE-OBSESSIVE-MANIUPLATIVE-BITCH-WHORE-STROPPY-STROPPY-STROPPY-DEVILSPAWNED-**BITCHMONKEY!**" She hollered her cussing rather impressive. I'd give it an eight.

With a pound of her feet, a twiddle of her fingers and a slight twitch of her cheeks the earth sprang to earth yet again. She kicked a boulder out of the ground, which was sculpted to look like Katara's face, and head-butted straight through it, showering the remains all over the place.

Meanwhile, Katara drew the moisture from every near-by tree and shot a whizzing disc of ice at Lover Girl, who punched straight through it.

Aang watched silently, feeling no urge to intervene as he watched two incredibly beautiful girls bitch-bend each other.

Cari began to spin around and round, her arms twiddling as she danced, until the earth moved with her, twisting, spiraling, and creating a whirlpool of Earth. _Awe_some.

Katara was quickly caught in the alarming currents, finding herself moving with it, turning round and round until she was dizzy. Instead of pulling her into the middle and letting her drown in mud, Cari graciously pulled her out again- but only for personal gain.

Godzilla stumbled around, dizzy as a drunken King Bumi, her eyes creased in concentrating to stand straight and continue fighting. But it was lost; she fell over in a heap and grounded something about motion sickness.

"Sorry, Loopy, looks like I've won." Cari said shortly, but her eyes were twinkling with good humour, "You really thought you could hit me and get away with it?" She chuckled and patted her head, so she sunk into earth slightly, "You're so dense."

"Mmmmgurg…" Katara gurgled.


	8. Pilgrims of Mayhem

Sorry about the delay, chaps, things have been busy lately, what with teachers breathing down my school collar for some up-to-scratch homework and a mother who can bellow louder than even _Cari_ looking for someone to do the housework so she can put her feet up and enjoy her exclusive, out-of-bounds fruit and nut chocolate stash.

Now! Not many people could write a Tokka fic, and hardly concentrate on the subject of Tokka at all…so sorry about that, but Cari usually manages to snatch all the attention.

Our perfect little duo (now that Suki's dead) have been happily pigging out from the little shop they had previously been too poor to buy anything from. This was because Tokka had managed to repair all of the damage in the village with a few punches to the ground, and sweep of her foot and a tweak of her eyebrows.

Because of this, she and Sokka (who did nothing but stand next to her) were heroes, and food, beverages, accommodation and other such things (things such as prostitutes, which Toph firmly, and Sokka reluctantly, declined) were completely free, no strings attached! What would be the point of wasting this lovely treat just to find themselves stuck in the middle of a nasty bitch fight between Cari and Katara, which Toph insisted would take at least a week to blow over?

So our little couple, whom we are watching over with adoration and notepads so we can scribble down sonnets and words of love as a tribute to them, are happily enjoying themselves, free from the pain of mud fights and Aang snatching. One bright afternoon, they strolled over to spectate some wrestling matches, Toph using her bending to trip up the opponents she didn't like.

This was a rare treat for them, and Sokka was a bit overly-enthusiastic, at one point leaping up to join in with the scuffle, before realizing that he may not return with an arm and sitting back down in his seat quietly.

SLAM! A particularly weedy contender desperate to impress a pretty girl at the sidelines had his jaw slammed against the hard earth, and was sat upon by a huge beefy man, with a resemblance to pipsqueak. All that came out of his mouth was a pathetic wheeze, that wouldn't have blown a butterfly off course.

"Snoozles, I'm not sure it's a good idea."

We have just joined the conversation half-way through, and Sokka is insisting that he should take part, flexing his muscles and jutting out his chin. Toph sat with a façade of pacifism on her small face, looking quite refined. She couldn't quite disguise her skeptic expression, though.

"What are you _talking_about?" Sokka demanded, "I could floor even _that_guy! You of all people should know that size does not matter."

"Exactly, that is why I make no comments about your backside." Toph agreed.

Sokka nearly broke his back trying to peer at his rear, clearly forgetting even entering at all. Toph relaxed and returned to concentrating on the vibrations of the fight again, noticing the departure of the pretty girl, throwing her hair back in disgust at the poor boy's weakness.

* * *

"You know, I'm all for meat, Sokka, but it may be a good idea to widen your horizon a little bit. Right now all you could fit on it is a Moose Lion and a Leopard Bear."

"I don't need anything but meat!" Sokka insisted, tearing another chunk of meet from the bone and gulping it down enthusiastically. Toph sighed and nibbled delicately at some noodles, once again her rough side slipping to show some long awaited feminism. Sokka found himself staring at her, his chewing slowing.

_Heck!_He said, for this was the limits of his cussing on the show, _She makes me forget to chew!_

"You know, Toph, you're not as tough as you think you are."

Toph thought about this for a while as they walked through the deserted streets. The sun was off entertaining the other side of the earth, and the moon was doing its shift on their side, gleaming picturesquely against the midnight velvet of the glittering sky. Lanterns lit their way, leading off into the inky darkness, fading into dim glows at the very end of the street, waiting for them.

"What d'you mean?" She said finally. Sokka rolled his eyes loped alongside her, exhausted from the long day.

"Well, most of the time, you're willing to jump in for anything, wrestling, eating meat…" He failed to come up with any more elements of his lifestyle and left it at that, "But sometimes…like say, when we're eating: I stuff my face like a pig, but you…you eat like a Lady. And when you laugh…it's like water running…a real girl's laugh. Spending so much time alone made me realize that you're…a girl."

There was a thoughtful silence; the only sound was their feet slapping the pavement, the wind singing its sweet-

SMACK!

"Took you long enough!" Toph yelled, shattering the serenity. Sokka yelped and held his arm, knowing that there would be a life-long dent in his arm after that fantastic thump.

_As long as I always have her mark…_

"I was a _boy_to you until we had to spend a few weeks together and then _finally_ you realized all because I laugh like a Fairy Princess and eat like a CIVILISED HUMAN BEING!!!"

"Toph, it was a compliment!"

"HOW so?" She demanded in a growl.

"You know…you're not acting as lady-like as when-"

"SHUSH! It's _not_ a compliment Sokka! It's an insult! How do you think-"

Toph was cut off from her sentence. But we shall not feel outraged that she, a supposed feminist of the Avatar World has been interrupted mid-rant, for Sokka had seized her shoulders and crashed his lips against hers. And _no,_it wasn't like a car-accident, you fools, it was like tide pounding the white sands, or like Sokka's heart bouncing against his ribcage, which Toph could only feel too well as she wondered what the hell was going on, but this was hardly heard over the pink fuzzy feeling slowly crawling across her brain...

Eventually, like every kiss, it ended, and after a dramatic sigh, Sokka stated:

"That's what happened after I realized you were a girl."

* * *

"Cari, may I ask you to pass the ladle?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Are you going to pass it to me?" Katara asked edgily through clenched teeth.

"Are you going to ask? You only asked permission to ask." Cari reminded her cheerfully. Obviously their attempts at a polite conversation weren't going so well. I think Katara would've sooner embraced Zuko as a boyfriend. But that will never happen. HAH!

"I don't need your permission for anything!" The Water Bender's voice was growing steadily higher and throatier.

"Well then, just take the damned ladle."

"Don't say damned!"

"Mother, I'll say what I like."

"_Well, then I may have to_-"

"GIRLS PLEASE!" Aang's voice rang through the conversation, unfamiliar and exasperated. He stood between the two girls. Cari had the ladle raised, Katara was about to take off her shoe just to have something to hit Cari with, "Stop it! You're both driving me crazy! I thought we were MEANT to be concentrating on getting Sokka and Toph together?"

Silence.

"I guess you're right…" Cari admitted, which was very hard for her.

"I didn't want them to in the first place!" Katara growled, shoving her shoe back on sullenly.

"Now…why are they taking so long?" Aang thought, suddenly throwing himself back into the story line and taking control. They thought about this for a moment.

"I think they're pretty close by." Cari piped up, "They must've heard the…misunderstanding and decided to steer clear. Sokka knows Katara and Toph knows me. They've probably decided that it would take a while for the…misunderstanding to cool down."

"So they'd have stopped off at the nearest town I supposed…" Katara mused, "Maybe it was that cute little village where they hold all those wrestling matches."

"Yeah Sokka and Toph would love to stay there.' Aang agreed.

So between the three of them, they'd actually managed to _think_by putting their little brains together.

"They've been alone together for a few weeks now," Cari said, a smile creeping across her face, "It's time we put a more obvious and effective plan together."

"Katara! You've got the net?"

"Yes!"

"Aang! You've got the meat?"

"Yef." A much muffled reply from Aang.

"Don't. Eat. The. Meat."

A gulp.

"Well, don't eat anymore…" Cari decided, rolling her eyes, but fondly, "And I've got the fake wrestling leaflets. They definitely won't be able to resist!" She held up a few folded pieces of parchment, beautifully designed by her, as Cari is an exceptional artist, sporting two men with chunky arms and terrifying scowls, running at each other.

"Now, Aang, make sure you keep in character, and DON'T mess up your disguise." She threatened, tugging one of her gothic costumes straight on Aang's spindly frame. He looked a bit like a priest; except for the threatening mask he was wearing, with a mouth hole just big enough to shove some meat throu- WAIT! Aang's a vegetarian!

"Aang, I thought you were vegetarian?" Katara said suddenly, taking just as long as I did. BUT WE ARE IN NO WAY SIMILAR! Aang shrugged passively.

"Cari made me a Poodle Chicken sandwich earlier; it was too yummy to pass up." He confessed, smiling at Cari, who beamed. Katara swelled up.

"You're giving up your beliefs for a _sandwich_?" She demanded incredulously, "I have made plenty of meat soups for the group before now, and they've never converted you!"

"Not everyone has an obsession with water, even with their food, Loopy." Cari reminded her, forcing a pink hat onto Aang's head to cover the streak of his arrow, "Now _go_Aang, we'll set up the rest!"

So Aang teetered off down the hill to the nearest village where Toph and Sokka were staying…the pilgrim of Mayhem.

What are they planning that sounds so ludicrous? This chapter is a short one, but you SHALL find out in less than 36 hours, that's a promise! A pretty shoddy one…but WHO'S the writer here?!


	9. The Devious Disguise

_This wasn't exactly within the time limit I promised…but it's here! Just know that you can never trust me again- there, see everyone's happy now! _

Toph and Sokka were taking a stroll through the town, not hand in hand, as expected, but we should know that they are not like this; they're more discreet with romance. Well Toph is. Sokka just chases the girl he wants and then can't figure out why they always die.

Of course they may not have been holding hands because this was what had happened the night before:

-----

Toph pulled away from Sokka, breathing heavily and her cheeks bright. She had never felt like this- she wasn't sure what to do. She had been imagining this sort of scenario with Sokka for a while now, but she never expected such a thing to actually happen. As Sokka had said in the little shop, he was three years older and they were friends. She hadn't watched any American Sitcoms to realize that friendship could always lead to something more. However, if this was the case, we'd have Avatar's version of Ross and Rachel, so let's be thankful.

"Sokka…"

"Toph?" He answered eagerly, his heart hammering underneath her fingertips that she had pressed against his chest without even realizing it, relishing the feeling of his body heat burning through her.

"I don't know…I…need to think about this…"

"About what?"

"About if we should…do this."

And like that, Tokka fans, you are throwing your hands up and cursing. Of _course _the story would stretch out a while longer; it would just be a pointless ditty otherwise, another one of your average drabbles. Sokka's face fell down to his feet. Figuratively. And with this, he began to back-up so swiftly that I'm surprised he didn't start beeping.

"So you don't like me- I knew I shouldn't have done this, it was crazy, but you seem to have been acting differently to me and-"

"Do I have to interrupt _your_ rantings with a kiss like you did mine?" Toph asked, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't exactly against the idea; Sokka would've paid money for it. But that sounds inappropriate for Nickelodeon.

Sokka is an understanding guy, we all know it. Moaning, groaning, self-destructive, greedy, sarcastic, YES, but he understands when a Lady needs her time to think.

"Okay, Toph." He sighed in defeat, and let the back of his hand stray across her cheek bone one last time, "How long do you need, exactly?"

"Don't worry, Sokka, it'll be within thirty-six hours." (Though from past experiences we should know better than to trust her).

And as casual as if they had just been discussing more wrestling, they walked back through the streets, following the lamps back to two safe beds. That were SEPARATE, lemon lovers...

-----

"STEP RIGHT UP, STEP RIGHT UP! World Wrestling champions coming to _this little village_for a tournament you cannot miss!"

A curious little creature wearing an extravagant hat- shocking pink- and a black, witchy dress that trailed along the cobbled streets waved a fistful of fliers animatedly. Toph and Sokka couldn't help but stare interestedly.

"I wander why he's yelling," Toph mused, "We're the only two people _in _this street."

"Maybe he's talking to us." Sokka shrugged, "And I like the sound of that tournament! Let's go get a flier!"

"Interested, Buddy?" This strange person wheezed, peering through a strange little mask with a huge mouth hole, big enough to fit a reasonable chunk of meat in. If you haven't yet worked it out, it was indeed charming little Aang in his impressive disguise. The plan was in action- just what were Katara and Cari getting up to this very moment?

"You bet we are!" Sokka exclaimed enthusiastically, taking a leaflet with a crude drawing of two insanely muscled wrestlers, baring their teeth up at him, "It's tonight? On the eastern side of…that mountain?"

"That's the one! At Sundown- see ya both there!" Aang chirruped gleefully, and made to skip off.

"Wait- what's the charge?" Toph called after him.

"Nothing; it's for charity!" Aang called breezily over his shoulder as he scurried off.

"…Charity? Then surely it _would _cost to…oh never mind- wrestling!" Sokka cried out happily.

"More wrestling…" Toph murmured. She was as enthusiastic as the next wild-child with a thirst for crunching bones, but all they had _done _was wrestling. Of course, although we know Sokka isn't sensitive to a woman's needs, I'm going to change this JUST once so Sokka can surprise her with a romantic walk instead. She'll be baffled all the same!

The best part is, that as Toph trudged along with Sokka, feeling slightly down-hearted at Sokka's one track mind, as Sokka bounced along, trying to imagine himself and Toph looking out over the view from the mountains, as Aang tottered off in with a devious grin that didn't suit him AND as Cari and Katara wrestled with a h-uge net, they had no idea that NOTHING was about to go as they expected.

And what can we expect but Chaos?


	10. Just a Regular Rabbit?

"Toph, are your thirty six hours up yet?"

"No, I've still got around nineteen hours left."

"Oh…"

"I'm almost there." Toph reassured him, with a smile. Sokka wondered if this smile was a good thing for him, his wolf-tail shivered in anticipation.

They were trekking through the mountains, Sokka getting tangled up in various situations and Toph helping him out with a yawn or two. The low sun told them that a certain wrestling match was about to begin on a certain side of a certain mountain, and I'm certain that this joke is...old. Toph was gliding along the earth with a certain grace that Sokka couldn't help but notice.

The continued to stroll up the mountain side, Sokka positively marching. Toph was enjoying their time together, contently listening to his heartbeat and trying to fight the disappointment that instead of a date in a fancy food…well what do they call restaurants in the Avatar World? Instead of a lovely date, they were going to watch wrestling. Now we KNOW that this delightful little girl loved "watching" skulls being splintered and teeth skittering across the blood-stained floor, but she had FINALLY realized that the "Stud" Sokka FINALLY liked her, so she was expecting a BIT of romance! All the ladies ---the majority of the readers I suppose; guys don't get the subtle loveliness that is Tokka---know what I'm talking about! You understand right? Toph wants a lovely picnic, or a walk through the woods or maybe just lying on the grass, appreciating the time they have together without two crazy girls in the background gnawing through each other's crazy hairstyles. Of course, there happens to be someone with a Y chromosome in this relationship (a guy) so we can only hope…

* * *

Meanwhile, Cari and Katara were getting along. 

…

…

…….

**Readers: S'cuse me?**

I kid ye not! Just picture this:

Two girls were up two adjacent trees, holding the ends of a thick rope. Below them, was a large bed of leaves with a pile of juicy, plump meat placed upon a golden plate resting on the top. Underneath this Bounty was a concealed net, of which Cari and Katara were working together (!!!) to tie to the top of the tree.

"You know, Cari," Katara said, pausing to take a deep breath of fresh air, "I think this plan is brilliant!"

"Of course it is!" Cari agreed buoyantly, "_I _devised it!"

"It's a lot more complex than Sokka's plans- and I'm very surprised that he never used meat in his."

"He probably intended to," Cari thought aloud, "But changed his mind and ate the meat instead halfway through planning."

"That's the safest bet."

They laughed together, harmonizing as they chuckled lightly. Before their chortling had died there was a rush of air and Aang appeared. Hooray!

"I've set the track! They'll find this place with no trouble at all!" He announced proudly, holding up what was left of brightly coloured sign posts with an all too obvious arrow.

"You just couldn't_not _put an arrow on there could ya, Aang?" Cari drawled supremely. The Avatar happened to be the only one of the group that Cari hadn't made a nickname for. Some may say the writer couldn't think of anything but _I _like to believe that she just loved his actual name. I think we should all believe the SECOND one. (Grins)

"They _are _sign posts, after all." Aang pointed out. Cari just pretended she didn't hear him, so she wasn't caught out as in the wrong. Such terrible things would happen otherwise.

* * *

So here's how it all happened. The mayhem, the mania, the chaos, the hysteria, the MADNESS all occurred because of one. Little. Rabbit. No, not a freakish Avatar Lemur-Bison-Poodle-Raincoat-Rabbit, just a regular rabbit. 

Toph and Sokka were enjoying their walk, Sokka regularly checking whether thirty six hours were finished yet and Toph never failing to punch him as a response, when they came across the first of Aang's signposts.

_THIS WAY TO WRESTLE-HEAVEN, HOTMEN!_

"Hotmen…?" Sokka said, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

"Where?" Toph asked in interest.

"On the sign." He said, slightly irritated in her hope for Hot Men.

"Hotmen…that's a Fire Nation saying!" Fire Nation theme tune. Unfortunately a court order says I mustn't sing it for you.

"This must be a Fire Nation trap!" Sokka concluded. Jackass…anyway we can do nothing about it, "That was a close one! Come on Toph, let's ditch the wrestling."

"Ok!" Toph said happily as Sokka grabbed her hand and pulled her in completely the opposite direction.

So let's just watch them take another trail, walking off into the sunset. I do love a good cliché!

But how about _we_follow the trail and see what's going down with the others? Now, I know you want to follow Sokka and Toph, Tokka fans, and see a bit of smooching but sometimes a couple needs their privacy. You can complain later.

"How about we add just a little bit of cabbage?" Katara suggested. Cari pulled a face and replied: "I hate cabbage."

"Toph doesn't, and when they're trapped in the net she might want to eat something other than meat!"

"Believe me, she won't."

"How do you know?"

"I'm her oldest friend!"

Aang decided to intervene, and quickly.

"Let's just put a little lettuce in anyway. Lettuce is good for you!" He beamed at them both. The clouds cleared and a rainbow sprouted from nowhere, greeted by the sweet chorus of birdsong. Cari grinned.

"I love lettuce!" She said appreciatively. Katara rolled her eyes.

"Do _you _wanna go in this net?" She offered. Aang disappeared and reappeared almost instantly, holding up a springy leaf of lettuce. He carefully placed it at the very top of the pile of juicy meat.

Enter the Rabbit!

_Hop…hop…hop._

"_Hey!_" Katara hissed, her ears pricking and her eyes shifting side to side. Cari and Aang watched curiously, "_Do you hear that?_"

They listened carefully.

_Hop...hop…_hop.

"It's getting closer!" Aang told them.

Hop…hop…**hop.**

"What the hell _is_that?" Cari demanded, searching around. Her eyes locked onto a cute little rabbit, a rich chocolate brown with long ears it was trying hard not to trip over. It's shiny eyes were fixated on the juicy lettuce leaf, upon a pedestal of meat.

"RABBIT!" Katara screamed, pointing furiously at the little animal. It didn't seem to hear her; it was too busy gazing at the lovely lettuce…

"DON'T LET IT TOUCH THE LETTUCE!" Aang roared, and all three of them, bending abilities forgotten, threw themselves at the rabbit.

The rabbit neatly hopped up to the lettuce, took it in its mouth and sped off. Aang, Katara and Cari were still flying through the air. Until, that is, they landed on the meat. And activated the net.

SPRING!

BOING!

CLATTER!

RIGAticktickticktick…

Silence.

"What just happened?" Katara whimpered, her face squished against a grilled flying boar's carcass.

"I believe we are in a net." Cari said dully, two Parrot Chicken drumsticks under each elbow.

"I need the bathroom." Aang murmured miserably, chewing absently on some Leopard Bear.

…"**HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!"**


	11. Chronic Rage

"It's beautiful…" Sokka breathed. They were standing on a high ledge, overlooking a wonderful valley with a winding river, which was golden in the waning sunlight.

"I wouldn't know…" Toph yawned, and scratched her cheek absently. Sokka cringed, smacked himself in the head and then grabbed her hand. He turned towards her. They were _very _close. If this was a K it would be a K by now. Toph felt her body temperature rise ever so slightly. Sokka felt some- second thoughts, this is only a T. I'll leave that one out. Plus it's not in my nature to squeeze the lemon, so to speak.

"Sorry," He groaned, "Every time... I always forget. I guess it's because you see more than seeing people can actually see, you see..."

"I see."

"Toph…?"

She sighed, and tried hard not to break his fingers.

"Sorry, Sokka, thirty six hours aren't up yet." She couldn't quite keep the irritated edge out of her tone. He didn't even notice.

His shoulders slumped, and looked out at the view with unseeing eyes, the beauty of the valley forgotten. Toph smiled up at him, trying not to laugh at his goofy attitude. The truth was, she had already made up her mind, and held a decision in her metaphorical hand that she was quite content with. Watching- Feeling, I guess- him act like this was quite enjoyable; she liked to keep the suspense. She was a master of dramatic techniques.

"You know, I was never planning to go wrestling." Sokka admitted.

"Really? I was looking forward to it myself." Toph lied, glad that Sokka hadn't eaten for quiet a while, so his instincts weren't fully fuelled to catch her out.

"I was planning to take us out on a romantic walk all along." Sokka told her, squeezing her hand and shuffling ever so closer.

"You know, I have around two hours lef-"

Too late, they were smooching. Toph couldn't stop her heart rate from picking up, nor could she stop the adrenalin rushing through her. She didn't seem to be completely conscious either…

Because the cartoon character body requires oxygen, they broke apart and both turned bright red at the awkwardness of the situation.

"Toph, you've gotta tell me it's a yes." Sokka breathed, still holding her hand.

"What do you mean, I gotta?" Toph demanded with superiority.

"Well I just might explode otherwise!"

Toph heaved a sigh and folded her arms. Sokka clung on to her hand, so he was kind of caught up in it as well.

"Fine." She spat. "My decision is-"

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!"

Now who could that be?

Sokka turned round and stared at where the noise had come from, and saw many strange cross-species of birds scattering into the air from the exact spot. Toph concentrated on the vibrations from that area with mild interest. Of course that interest picked up when she realized that-

"Nothing's there." She said, frowning.

"Huh?"

"Nothing's there." She repeated, "There's nothing of importance anyway. Just something that feels like a little rabbit…"

"A rabbit?" Sokka shrieked, "Those things are _evil_! What if it ate Katara and Aang and Cari and our FOOD!" He gasped, "Not the FOOD!"

"Sokka…" Toph began, but decided she'd be wasting our breath, "Hmm…I wonder what was screaming?"

"Perhaps we should check it out…" Sokka mumbled, feeling a bit tired, and the sun had set, leaving everything in a shadow that would only grow heavier.

"Let's go then." Toph agreed.

* * *

"…You know this is all your fault, right, Katara?"

"…Wh-AT?!"

"Guys, please…this isn't really the right situation." Aang pleaded.

"Oh, I know. That's why I'm stirring." Cari told Aang happily, her voice slightly muffled as she was pressed up against his shoulder in the tight circumstances, "Y'see, if I can fuel Katara up to pre-menstrual with stress _and _maybe a comment about her weight then mibbe her chronic rage could bust us out of here."

"CARI!"

"Can I help yooou?" Cari simpered.

"You make me sound like Godzilla!" Katara practically shrieked.

Cari grasped this opportunity, a smirk blooming across her face.

"Oh, well about that…if you don't _want _people to liken you to the beast that is Godzilla, perhaps you should do something about your nails? And maybe your hair- it's a little…prehistoric." She chose her words extremely carefully, to gain the right results.

"Je-hu-hhhrrrrnnnnggggggg…" Katara growled, squirming this way and that, growing steadily redder, as if she had ants in her prehistoric pants.

"Oh and that Zuko guy? Why is it that every time he's brought up you grow bright red and quickly excuse yourself?"

"I…d-d-don't." Katara gritted out.

"Mmhm?" Cari said sweetly, her brown eyes shining, "Also, have I ever told you that when you get mad, you're a little bit like a fire bender on Momo-juice."

"YOU-WON'T-MAKE-ME-MAD." Katara told her, beads of sweat standing out on her forehead, her teeth almost ground to dust and her eyes glowing alarmingly.

"Sweetie, you've gone to mad and back already." Cari simpered, grinning widely at her.

"NAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! HEEELP! GET! ME! OUT! OF! HERE!"

You'll be surprised to find out that this wasn't actually Katara that shrieked these words. It was none other than God's Gift to the four nations, Aang. He clutched at the ties of the net, trying desperately to work out means of string-bending, his eyes wide with terror.

"Aang?" Both girls said in unison.

"This net," Aang panted, "Cannot hold both you guys. Not when you start arguing. I'll die in here- I'll _die_! The world needs me the_Universe _needs me!"

"No need to get so egotistical." Cari remarked, raising an eyebrow, "I'm winding her up to get us _out _of this damned net."

"Why are we even_here?_" Katara demanded, deciding to join in with Aang's distraught attitude.

"For a noble reason!" Cari declared, "To bring two of our great friends together in love, and hopefully, holy, _holy _Matrimony! Now it may seem crazy, but we are doing this for _them_."

There was a silence; Aang stopped trying to chew his way through the net. Katara stopped trying to put the hair that she'd pulled out back on her scalp in a way that looked like it was still attached.

"You're right." Katara sighed, "This _is _crazy. You've got us in this mess with the stupid plan of _capturing them in a net together._ Does it seem like a good idea _now, _Cari? You matchsticks chewing IDIOT?"

"Yep." Cari said stubbornly, "It would have brought them together."

"Not emotionally." Aang pointed out, "You think too literally, Cari. Just forcing them in a net together wouldn't make them want to marry each other." And here it comes, an Avatar-Inspired speech, copyrighted by Nickelodeon, "Love is just something that happens. You cannot force it, fake it, or push it along. With love, patience and acceptance is required, not schemes and meat."

"…No forcing, faking or pushing? No schemes or meat?" Cari snorted, "Hey, Avatar- how do you think I _got _all my boyfriends? With _love and patience?_" She said in a baby voice, "Hell no!"

"You didn't get them with your personality, either." Katara snorted.

Cari raised an unashamed eyebrow, "Didn't say I did." She replied calmly. Katara twitched. Would she _ever _piss off that girl unless she hit her? This by the way wasn't something she was planning to do EVER unless she had about five hundred people surrounding her who were actually on her side. Second thoughts, a thousand people.

"It's alright in any case." Cari said, snuggling down next to a comfy piece of meat meant to lure Sokka, "If our plan worked, then Sokka and Toph are on their way to what would have been the trap."

Silence.

"What if it hasn't worked? What if they decided to go on a romantic walk instead?" Aang asked, having too much faith in the power of romance over someone like Sokka.

"…Sokka? Choosing a nice little walk over wrestling?" Katara asked, and for the first time for an hour or so since they had set up the net together, she and Cari laughed at the same joke, for the same reason. But it was still because the joke was at someone else's expense, so not much progress there on the 'Gee, we hope Cari will become a good person!' aspirations.

"Hey, look, it's_them_!" Came a wonderfully familiar and sweet voice.

"**TOPH!!!**" They screamed in unison.

"Trusty boomerang," Sokka thundered dramatically, drawing his sad little weapon out with a flourish of silver, "Do your business!"

And off it cart wheeled, spinning…spinning…hitting a tree…sticking in the bark…not spinning…stuck.

"…sw-ish."

"SHH!" Sokka spat, and drew out his sword. "I'll just have to help you out in a boring way instead…"

And being famous for his climbing skills, he set to work up one of the trees, grumbling about his boomerang yet again failing him.

Toph just stood there, staring off into…well nothing.

"So what happened here?"

At first, the three all tried innocent faces, and then they all realized that this would have no affect on Toph and she was the lie detector, so they may as well just tell her.

"Well this net was initially meant for…you and Sokka."

"WHAT?!" Sokka shrieked, and fell out of the tree. Not surprised, really.

"Well yeaaaah. To be honest, the whole reason we left without you was to get you guys together." Katara mumbled.

"Oh we know that." Toph said breezily, waving her hand. "But what's the deal with this net…filled with _meat_?!"

"Mmmmmeat?" Sokka burbled, sitting up from the floor and rubbing his head.

"You guys," Toph began, anger beginning to edge into her tone, "Left us completely stranded, with only a tiny amount of money for food, with _no _map and NO camping gear with NO warning. To get us together?"

Silence.

"EXPLAIN!" Toph and Sokka shouted in union.

"Otherwise you can stay in this net for good!" Sokka added, putting his sword away roughly.

"Well you pretty much explained it yourself." Cari shrugged, "We left you to make your own way here, so you guys could have some alone time and realize your feelings…by the way- did it work?"

That shut them up. Sokka looked to Toph hopefully, who sighed.

"Fine. Well basically, we kissed-"

"You guys kissed?!" The three of them shrieked.

"That's so cute!"

"In the moonlight?"

"Did he take you to dinner?"

"Did he get you flowers?"

"Who kissed _who?!_"

"**It doesn't mean we're together!**" Toph snapped. Sokka looked forlorn. Cari frowned. Aang chomped meat. Katara isn't important.

"Whaddya mean, Toffee? Kissing is practically marriage!"

"To _you._" Toph pointed out, "You're not with a guy long enough to even hold hands."

"She's had to think about whether she wants us to have a relationship or not." Sokka said dully.

"Does that mean you like her, Sokka?" Katara asked excitedly. When Sokka nodded his head shyly she squealed and bounced up and down, causing the net to sway from side to side.

"Calm it, Loopies!" Cari scolded, "So what did you decide, Toph?"

"Yeah, Toph?" Sokka jibed, looking at her hopefully. Toph sighed.

"Fine…" She mumbled, "My decision is…"


	12. Kalooh Kallay!

"…Yeaaah I'm gonna say no to the whole relationship thing."

At this moment, Momo who had been discreetly nibbling on the rope that was suspending the three in this net cut through, and Cari, Katara and Aang fell to the ground with a crash.

Aang and Katara burbled hopelessly in a daze, but Cari leapt up, ripped the net off of her and screamed: "WHAT?!"

"What…?" Sokka whispered, looking tragic. It was a bit presumptuous of him to think he'd get the girl he wanted every time! The Princess girl was probably just trying to rebel against her strict Royal Family and chose the best peasant she could find. And Suki…well there aren't really many teenage boys on Kyoshi Island now, are there?

"I'm sorry." Toph said emotionlessly, shrugging her shoulders, "Just seems to me that every girl you're with ends up dead, or in jail and _then _dead."

Sokka moved his mouth but no words came out. Cari began to growl. Katara was eating meat, still out of it and Aang was trying to waltz with Momo. Cari began to growl louder…

"Cari, suck it up!" Toph scolded, "You're not going to beat me. Were _you _ever a wrestler?"

"No but I've managed to break your bones quite a few times!" Cari hissed, "We went through a HELL of a lot to get you two kids together- now Sokka is willing to co-operate. Why can't you?"

"For the reasons I just said- I've survived a lot, but I'm not sure I can quite survive being his girlfriend!" Toph motioned towards Sokka.

"Thaaanks..!" Sokka mumbled…

"Well. We'll just have to change your mind!" Cari said decidedly, "You two will have your candle lit dinner and MAKEOUT!"

* * *

For some reason, Cari managed to get her way. After they set up camp in a nicer part of the mountain that didn't smell like meat, they found a little ledge looking over the valleys (including the pile of rubble that was Cari's mudslide) and set up a dinky little table.

"Come, come, sit!" Cari cried, yanking the supposed couple along by their fingers. She practically threw them into her seats, before smacking her hands together. Katara appeared with a sullen look on her face. You're probably wondering why she was acting like Cari's slave. I think a bruise the size of an egg in the middle of her forehead should explain all.

"Yes?" She mumbled.

"Fetch me a dishcloth." Cari ordered.

"What's a dish cloth?"

"Fine, a rag." Cari said through gritted teeth as she tried valiantly to maintain her charming smile. When Katara fetched one for her Cari draped it over her arm.

"Now go get the meal."

"Huh? Couldn't you have asked me that at the same time?!" Katara asked helplessly. Cari sighed and began to turn. By the time she had stopped to face Katara, the defeated water bender had disappeared to get the food. She returned with a huge silver platter, covered with an elegant lid. Cari snatched it from her and approached the table, where Sokka and Toph were fidgeting due to the awkward circumstances.

"Madam." She simpered, "Monsieur. Your meal."

There was a 'ching!' as she lifted the huge lid. It was a pile of meat.

"Isn't this the same meat you were using to-" Sokka began.

"No!" Cari snapped, turning red.

"She's lying." Toph told Sokka.

"Shut up and enjoy your meal!" Cari hissed, forgetting her patient and kind act, "I-I mean, will that be all?"

"Well, what's the point of candles if you're not going to light them?" Toph said, pointing to the two black candles sitting rather pointlessly on the table. Cari blinked.

"Well…I don't have any-"

"Cari." Toph said exasperatedly, "This is the first chance you've been given to use those damn matchsticks stuck behind your ear and-"

"OH YEAH!" Cari shrieked excitedly, and drew out one of the long knobbly sticks from behind her ear, "Here goes!"

_Scratch---_SNAP.

Silence…

"For the love of DISNEY!" She roared, before throwing the broken matchstick over her shoulder and snatching out the second. This time being a great deal gentler, she scraped the match across the rough table and it caught light- the table that is, not the match.

"Oh…dear." Cari burbled. Toph leapt up and pulled Sokka away from the blazing table.

"Nice, Cari, real nice…!" Sokka remarked. He received a punch across the noggin.

"Oh stop it." Toph said, and threw a pile of earth upon the fire and-

"The MEAT!" Sokka cried. Isn't it strange that the Carnivore didn't realize that Barbeque, the best form of meat, had just been invented. He could've been SO happy.

"Well looks like your silly little plan here didn't seem to work, _did _it Cari?" Toph said smugly, "You give up now?"

"Fine…" Cari mumbled, "I give up. I should be back in the Earth Kingdom by now, y'know, with my nice little vase I was collecting. But no, I gave it up just to get you guys together…sorry I even bothered, I guess."

And with her shoulders slumped and her feet heavy, she left the ledge and walked into the woods. The act would've been perfectly believable if they didn't hear her whistling a few moments later.

Toph rolled her eyes, but looked shocked when Sokka began to move off into the trees as well.

"Where are _you_ going?"

"Well there's no point me staying here, is there?" Sokka muttered.

"You mean…you don't even want to stay friends?" Toph asked, abashed.

"How can I be your friend after I've…I've tasted your lips?" Sokka whispered, watching her closely. He saw a hint of pink on her porcelain features.

"You idiot." Toph groaned, taking a step towards him, "I forgot how _stupid _you can be!" Another step.

"Yeah, fine, insult me. Add to the pile why don't you?" Sokka grumbled, but he was alert as she continued to move towards him.

"You think I'd give Cari the satisfaction, let her think she was right?" Toph asked mischievously, "I can detect lies, but I'm pretty damn good at telling them too."

"So…you didn't mean it? You want to…you want…"

"You." Toph confirmed and kalooh kallay, she kissed him!

* * *

The next day, Cari remembered that she was meant to be home by now with the ornate vase she had forgotten to collect because of the distraction of bumping into Toph. When she broke the news at breakfast, Katara seemed to perk up immediately.

"Oh, you mean you're not planning to stay with us for good?" She squeaked, relief rushing through her.

"Nah, I prefer a bit more excitement to be honest." Cari yawned, seeming to forget the mudslides, getting trapped in nets and standing up to terrifying rabbits, "I know you'll all miss me."

"Yeah, I mean, I don't know how we're gonna keep it together…!" Katara said sarcastically. Cari ignored her, but sent a molehill on the spot where Katara was sitting. She yelped and fell silent.

"I'm really gonna miss having you around, Matchsticks." Toph admitted, "I know I've been pissed off ever since you've decided to…'work your magic'-"

Sokka and Aang snorted, but stopped abruptly when Cari's eyes started to glow.

"But it's been awesome to see you again!" Toph finished hurriedly, "Sorry that your plan with me and Sokka didn't work out."

"Suuuure it didn't." Cari winked. Toph's blood went cold- _That egotistical harlot can't possibly know. Just deny __everything._

"No. It didn't." Toph agreed stiffly.

"Ya sure?" Cari continued, winking again.

"Yes. I'm going to mistake that wink for a nervous tick." Toph said stubbornly.

"Reaaaally?" Cari sang.

"Why would I like Sokka?" Toph burst out, flinging a hand in Sokka's direction. He paused from shoveling noodles into his face, "He's a pig! He's lanky, he's lazy and sometimes feminine!"

"Thanks…" Sokka choked, and shoveled the grub that was now classified as comfort food into his mouth with more vigor.

"He can't pull off that pony tail," Toph continued, counting off on her fingers, "He's a crap climber, he can't rhyme for crap but still refuses to stop spouting out those dumb haikus, he think Appa has sense of humour-"

"Appa's funny!" Aang insisted, "The other day he coughed up a hair ball, and there was a pear inside."

Silence.

"A pear!" He repeated. He gave up after he had actually brought out the pear, and tried to reenact it with a hunk of Appa fur.

"You people don't understand." He mumbled grumpily.

"I do!" Katara cried, her eyes shining as she edged closer to Aang.

"Fine, fine." Cari accepted, paying more attention to her nails than Toph's nice little speech on Sokka's lack of an excuse for living, "It's not like I braved Katara when her painters were in, got trapped in a net, fell off Appa and basically put up with the nursery child that is Aang just to bring you happiness, not to mention-"

"OH FOR GODS SAKE!" Toph screamed. She grabbed the front of Sokka's clothes and pulled his face to hers. Their lips met for the fourth time, and Toph could feel Sokka's heartbeat so clearly, she didn't know where his ended and hers began.

As they pulled apart, Sokka turned bright red and she had the distinct taste of noodles in her mouth. But she loved noodles.

"Told you." Cari said simply.


	13. What Just Happened?

"I…I can't believe this is goodbye…" And then the sound of a blubbery sob. Cari's departure is upon us, folks. And although she may be screaming in fury at being kicked out of the storyline, there's nothing we can do to stop it.

"Yeah…real shame." Sokka mumbled unconvincingly, chewing on a chicken bone.

"It's like you've been with us forever." Aang said kindly, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Look- I packed for you!" Katara said brightly, throwing Cari's bag into her arms with a little too much enthusiasm.

"We'd better meet again, Cari." Toph threatened good-naturedly, punching Cari idly on the shoulder. Cari, who had been the one crying all along at her departure, smiled a watery grimace and pulled them all simultaneously into a death grip.

"I _LOVE _you guys!" She practically screamed, apparently not hearing the cracking of ribs and necks, not the mention the groans and wheezes.

"We…love…you…too!" Sokka croaked.

"Yrrrr!" Katara said in a muffled voice, saying anything she had to in order to escape from the crazy wench's clutches.

"Cari? These guys aren't used to your bone melting hugs." Toph said calmly, not appearing under any strain at all. Cari ignored her, and simply squeezed tighter as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

"**AAAAAAARRRGH!"**

"Cari." Toph firmly pulled Cari's arms away and patted her gently on the back.

"Ok!" Cari burst out suddenly, beaming and wiping the tears from her eyes, "I'm done! See you guys later-oh and Aang? Good luck on the whole...project you've got going there." But the casual charade didn't last for long. She already had Aang in another death grip before any of them had time to blink.

"You next, Toffee!" She sniffed, with a weak smile.

_Crunch!_

"Miss you Cari…" Toph wheezed. Cari let go of her, and moved over to Sokka.

"Look after her, Tufty." She squealed, and punched him on the arm before grabbing him too. She then moved to Katara.

Silence.

"Take care of yourself, Loopy." She said sympathetically. Katara itched to hit her…just once more. But she didn't want to get caught in the currents of another mudslide so she simply smiled and said: "You too, Cari. Try not to lose your temper on the way, OK?"

Cari simply laughed lightly, before saying: "Let's hope that you can dial down the PMT over time!"

And before Katara could even yell something back, Cari swooped down and kissed her on the cheek, before yanking her into a similar hug.

"It's been real fun hanging around with you, Katara- you're even more fun to argue with than Toph!" She said quietly into her ear. Katara could hardly breathe, and not because Cari was destroying her respiratory system.

"Ta ta for now!" Cari cried, and with one last wave she was off down the mountain side, earth surfing with style.

The GAang watched in awe as she became smaller and smaller, before blending in as one of the specs on the horizon. All became deathly silent. They began to look back on the short week.

_Suicide attempts…_

_Avalanches, earthquakes, whirpools…_

_A rather chilling introduction to Bitch-Bending…_

_Scheme after scheme after scheme…_

_A overdose on sarcasm...  
_

None of them said anything for a long time, until Sokka asked:

"What just happened?"

* * *

**This is dedicated to my best friend Carrie- it was a hell of a lot of fun. You are my special Harlot and I love you!**

**X **


	14. Behind the scenes!

**_Previously…_**

"Ta ta for now!" Cari cried, and with one last wave she was off down the mountain side, earth surfing with style.

The GAang watched in awe as she became smaller and smaller, before blending in as one of the specs on the horizon. All became deathly silent. They began to look back on the short week.

_Suicide attempts…_

_Avalanches, earthquakes, whirpools…_

_A rather chilling introduction to Bitch-Bending…_

_Scheme after scheme after scheme…_

_A overdose on sarcasm..._

None of them said anything for a long time, until Sokka asked:

"What just happened?"

"**AAAAND that's a wrap people!" The director yells.**

**The heavy sighs of the actors ripples through the fake scenery. The lights in the studio go up and Cari's actor, Carrie, jumps up from behind a rock. **

"**Awesome show, guys!" She congratulates, punching Sokka's actor- Igor Heffle- lightly on the shoulder. The others step back slightly, afraid that they'll be next.**

**Just then, Caspre bursts out of the narrator's booth, throwing her script to the director and pulling off her headphones before making her way over.**

**"Top notch guys, we make a great team!" She booms, still using her story-telling voice.**

**"You're not recording anymore, Miriam." Carrie reminds her idly, rolling her eyes. **

**"Uh...my name's Caspre." She says innocently, before hissing under her breath: "Not in front of the readers, you Harlot!" She turns to the rest, and smiles brightly, "It was really fun working with you guys- I used to _love _watching Avatar. I never thought I'd actually _meet _you guys, let alone be part of a story with you! It'd be worth it even without the salary! Although...I still want the money..." She says edgily, hoping that the casting directors hadn't heard her. **

**"Thaaat's right, just keep talking there, Miriam..." Carrie sighs. She had been mouthing 'Blah, blah, blah,' The whole time that 'Caspre' had been talking. Her hair practically bristled in irritation before muttering: "Excuse me." And disappearing into her changing room- which was much smaller than Carrie's. **

**"Thank God, thought I'd never get her to leave...!" Carrie sighed. She took a towel from the assistant handing them out, throws it round her neck and sashays into her vast changing room, with a star plastered to the door- perhaps by herself...!  
**

**Igor (Sokka) rubs his arm violently from where she had pounded it, as he hisses to Toph's actor- Jessie "Cupcake" Ramone: "She's never out of character is she?"**

**Jessie removes the contact lenses that mask her bright green eyes with a milky film, and blinks a few times. **

"**I kind of like her." She says thoughtfully, "Although it took a while to get used to her."**

"**You're telling me…" Katara's actor- Raymond Kattle- chips in, reaching down his outfit and pulling out fake boobs, "I'll be glad to get out of this stupid costume- it's been stitched up so many times after the fight scenes with that wacko- she just doesn't understand that it's **_**acting**_**. Plus it'll be nice to stop shaving my legs for this stupid female role..."**

"**I reckon she's a nice old bird." Aang's actor- just 'Bill'- says in an extremely deep voice with a cockney accent. **

"**SO," Carrie says, as she emerges from the dressing room, out of her costume and into some comfy jeans, "Who's up for a milkshake? They're on Bill!"**

**After murmurs of half-enthusiastic agreement, the whole film-crew had followed Carrie out of the door, forgetting the set and looking forward to a Smartie Milkshake with Jelly Tots.**

**A few minutes later, Caspre emerges from her changing room, her hair fluffy and her hoodie at the ready. She looks around the deserted set in silence.**

**"Where'd everybody...those bastards."**

**And so Cari dragged them all down to the café, still nattering on about what a brilliant performance she had privileged them with…**

* * *

** THE END**

* * *

_Caspre: Just couldn't resist to add that little bit on...it's been a blast! _

_X _**  
**


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